and on a completely unrelated note

saw teresa heinz kerry speak on tv last night for the dnc.
i love her.
she's my new hillary.

i can't stop this feeling anymore...

that's what someone was singing as he walked into day 2 of the bar exam.

well, i can.
because it's over.

thank the lord.

well, it's a temporary reprieve anyway, until february =)
who's with me?

the bar exam is a masochist's best friend...

i really don't know how to feel about this thing...
 
on one hand, i'm SO glad it'll be all over soon.  i have a week to go.
on the other hand, i SO could use another month of studying.
 
i was struggling to remember the tests for insanity today.
i KNOW i need to study corporations.  i KNOW i need to study trusts.  i KNOW i need to study ny practice.  but crimlaw too????
i have no idea how to cram for 22 topics in the next week without going crazy.  especially when i have all 22 topics to cram for in this short period of time.
bar/bri... i know you bullshitted about "it's not a sprint, it's a marathon," but you need to come up with a good sprint strategy.  RIGHT NOW.
 
it's weird.  i usually get really stressed, then paranoid, then completely dejected, and eventually even out to a nice comfortable apathy.
well, apathy ain't comin'.  i looked all over.  it's not due until after the exam.
i think i'm going to have to walk into this thing revving on full-stress.  well... maybe a little paranoia... and major depression.
 
eeek!
 
i know everyone's sick of hearing about the bar exam.
but i can't work until i pass!!!!!!!!!
ARGGGGGG@!@!@!@!@!@!@!!!!!!!!
i SO do not want to be doing this again in february.
 
but i guess, if i have to.  i have to.
 
i told paul yesterday if i had a choice between winning the lottery and passing the bar exam, i'd take the lottery.
i don't think i'll mind being a slothful richie.
i'll volunteer.  i'll teach kids how to read.
and spend lots of money.
we just saw a special on kitchens and baths.
i love those free floating basins... mmm... interior decor.
 
okay... what's good stress food?
i've exhausted my wheat thins supply and i can't eat paul's cheese puffs without getting violently ill (did you know that cheese puffs use real cheese?  imagine that).
 
where's valium when you actually need one?
or ritalin.
 
i'm kidding!  (i'm not doping up, bar examiners.  i swear.  test me.)
 
speaking of doping up...
saw the south park episode where jimmy was using steroids before the special olympics.
today, i took a break and saw the episode with christopher reeves (if you haven't seen it, all i'll say is: christopher reeves, stem cell research, and gene hackman a la superman 3).
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

a big karmic f*** you

holy god... what a couple of days...
the last 36 hours or so have been a descent straight into hell.
you know you have one of those days when you open your eyes and you KNOW it's just going to be... well, crappy?

it definitely was one of those days.

i won't get into all the gritty details.

i will say though, that the day ended with a bang when paul called me from practice to let me know that "i'm okay but..."
i thought my heart fell through...
luckily, it was only a discloated knee... but i NEVER want to get a phone call like that again.
anyway... paul dislocated his knee while doing his crazy sword stuff. had to call an ambulance and was sent straight to the hospital to reset it. i guess with shoulders, it's pretty safe to go ahead and set it on your own, but with knees they don't want you to do that in case your bones are out of alignment.

i went into a panic and drove up to meet him in the emergency room. he looked MISERABLE. he was in so much pain he felt nauseous.

now he's totally useless in a knee brace, hobbling around with crutches.
and now since he can't drive his car (he needs both legs... he drives a manual) and i can't drive his car (my new stickers for my car hasn't come in the mail yet... and the ithaca police told me i couldn't drive around with expired stickers even though i paid my registration fee), we're going to have to rent a car for the week. what a mess.

today, we called around for car quotes, making sure the car will be big enough for him to fit comfortably in. i never realized how much room he actually needs, especially now that he can't bend his leg.

ARG!

okay... breathe... breathe...

i'm hoping whatever negative karmic energy i was due to receive all came in one blow yesterday. i better freakin win the lottery next week to make up for this.

mmm...food!

i've been finding a lot of comfort in food lately... which is not so unusual considering the stress load i've been carrying lately.
i know i'm engaging in emotional eating, but i figured this month was not the month to tackle this problem. i'll save it for after the bar.
the upside to this is that i've been trying out a lot of new dishes.
today i experimented with a fruit sauce. threw in raspberries, peaches, plums,red wine and sugar in a pot and let it all cook down to a nice sauce. served it with angel food cake and some whipped topping. dear god. i love dessert.

yesterday, i made a mean pasta sauce and homemade meatballs.
last week, i made homemade ravioli out of wonton skins.

instead of taking the bar, i should just write a everyday cookbook.

a day of great anticipation...

read an excellent article on cnn about a new hiv drug in development by merck.
paul and i always get so excited to hear that merck is doing well - we're merck cheerleaders.
i don't quite understand the science, but as i understand it, the new drug will likely be an effective addition to the cocktail.
very exciting news.

on a MORE personal note...
we're getting our couch tomorrow - paul's dad is driving it up.
we had gotten rid of paul's old couch and chair over a month ago in anticipation of this one (it's paul's parents' old couch -- they're parting with it after 20+ years).
it'll be so nice to see the camping chairs in the living room go. paul and i were commenting on how incredible ghetto we were this past month.
maybe we'll finally watch movies at home again. i hadn't realized a couch was such an essential part of movie enjoyment.

we're thinking about establishing a netflix account. economically speaking, it's very logical. we spend almost $6 dollars each time we rent a dvd, and we're constantly worrying about due dates and late fees.
i'm horrible with due dates.
and late fees.
we're trying to decide if a $21/month commitment is something we'd like to take on right now.
i can't wait until i start earning money. debating about a $21 expense is not something i would like to continue as a lifestyle.

i have 9 actual classes left before i'm left to my own devices.
on one hand, i'm excited to be set free.
on the other, i'm hoping my inherent laziness will not get the best of me.
my confidence is totally shot - i'm not going to pass the bar.
but i walk in with the comfort of knowing that a) i can take it again, and b) i'm pretty sure paul will not leave me if i don't pass.

okay... it's the end of the day... on a friday. i need to go home.

i read the news!

so after scanning cnn.com after class today, i've noticed some newsworthy items to point out...

first:
bush declined to speak at the naacp convention... again.
kerry, on the other hand, will be there.
cnn pointed out that bush spoke as a candidate when he was running for office and has declined to speak in each year of his presidency since then. ummm.... bad political move, you think? you'd think that in an election year, he'd make sure to show.
maybe he's worried to sit in the same room with john kerry. who knows.
which brings me to a question...
in a fistfight, who do you think would win?
bush? or kerry?

i mean... bush runs every day and is obviously pretty fit, but kerry's totally the bomb diggity. he surfs. he snowboards. he's totally in shape.
although bush is shorter than kerry... that whole center of gravity thing may help him out. hmmm...
they should have a celebrity boxing match for political candidates.
i'd be down with that.
i know something for sure, though. edwards would pummel cheney in one round.

which brings me to the point that larry king is interviewing kerry and his wife tonight on cnn. i totally love teresa heinz kerry. i don't know why people have a problem with her. because she has money? because she speaks her mind? it's the hillary complex all over again. the country resents smart, capable women. hello? the woman is capable of running a huge estate and a giant fund. she does good work with the money she has... and who cares that her late husband gave it to her? wouldn't you give your money to your wife in a will too??? no one says eleanor roosevelt was a bitch for being a smart, capable first lady. so stop judging!!!

what else...
paul read somewhere that michael moore didn't like the fact that people were ignorant of what the patriot act actually said... so he attached loudspeakers on a car and read out the act to people in d.c. i thought that was cool. as much as he is controversial, he is totally raising awareness and starting conversations throughout the country. regardless of how you feel on the matter, i'm glad that people are at least talking. dialogue is great... as long it's really a dialogue. i hate it when two people just yell at each other obstinately. make a point. be intelligent about it. maybe if logic and reason were involved in the discussion, you can turn the other person around. if not, that's okay too. at least you've made your point and put it up for consideration.

wow... this is turning out to be a soapbox. i think i got fired up by an awful lecture today, and felt like venting in a different medium.
yay blogging.

as far as other less newsworthy "news"...
bachelor bob get married to a soap actress (greenlee on all my children). let's see how long this one lasts.

and lastly?
i love mapo tofu (or mabo tofu... depending on what chinese restaurant you frequent).
mmmm... yummy!

i'm getting my learn on!

okay... so it's not what i'm supposed to be studying... but betty's taught me how to post links on my page.

i know... i'm about 10 years behind.
but hey. i make my own bead bracelets and majored in english.
'nuff said.

if you'd like me to share your page, send me a comment along my way!

i could spend hours at office depot...

i can't get over these fancy ergonomic chairs. you know... the ones with the meshy looking backs that cost about a thousand dollars a pop?
the ilr library at cornell has one at every (EVERY) computer station.
they're fucking phenomenal.

i also visited the cornell bookstore. scouted the pen aisle and saw that they've now gotten rid of their loose pen arrangement. what's the point? i now can't try out every pen to find the perfect one. i hate that. i end up buying 10 pens just to realize they all suck. people don't appreciate a good pen these days. wonder why your hands hurt when you write too much? that's right. neglectful bastards.

i've decided to write out notes for the rest of the month in neon and/or pastel paper.
i figure it'll be a little less boring than staring at a white page.
i've started the wills notes on hot pink. it just seemed right. the brightest color for the most boring subjects.

yeah... i know. this is what my life's whittled down to.
i'm okay with that.

...

trying to decide what's appropriate wedding attire. the last wedding, i got away with wearing a strapless sundress. the next wedding, i'm afraid, will probably need something fancier. but how fancy can the wedding be, really? i'm going to have to dig up my old fall ball stuff and see if anything will suit. i'd hate to go dress shopping while unemployed. talk about frivolity. anyway, i have almost 3 months to either find a suitable existing dress, or start making money so i can buy a new dress. a new dress seems like a horrible motivation to jump into a job search, but hey. anything that'll help.

speaking of job searches...
i think the bulk of my efforts will have to wait until after the bar. i mean, everyone warned me how my life would be consumed by this all summer... but no kidding. i hardly have time to look up listings let alone write cover letters, etc.

i've finally decided to search other cities like nyc and philly. limiting myself to ithaca and syracuse might land me in a dead-end receptionist job. as much as i like brain numbing clerical work, i don't think i needed to go to school for 3 years racking up 6 figure debts to do that.

...

have i mentioned how comfortable these chairs are? holy crap.

07-01-04, and blogger now thinks i should look into kabbalah

haha, i still love those random ads...

before i write my entry for today, i wanted to share a brilliant site that my friend mikey forwarded to me today:
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/md_youre_a_drunk.htm

moving on...
ithaca put on its annual fireworks show tonight. every year, we look forward to it -- watching the fireworks show above the hills of ithaca. the show is funded through a year-long drive -- made up entirely of private donations. apparently, the fund did not do so well this year. the show was only 15 minutes, as opposed to its usual 45. so we walked away in the end a little disappointed, but mostly saddened by the fact that the fund just wasn't able to collect as much this year. the show is just so beloved by all here, we couldn't imagine its organizers having a hard time raising money for it. we hadn't heard of the fund doing poorly... so we're not sure what happened.

anyway... paul and i are heading to lansdale this weekend for some r&r. i'm looking forward to getting out of this routine, even for a couple of days. we're also getting our new (well... inherited) couch next week. i'm excited. a couch!

well... gotta go finish the contracts video.

found margaret cho's blog

so she keeps a blog. i find her hilarious. paul and i saw her latest show when she stopped over at cornell. we couldn't get over how thin she looked. couldn't agree if that was the result of her losing weight... or the fact that the camera must have packed on at least 20 pounds on her on every tv special.

anyway... i try to find diversions from studying. this blog has added a welcome stop to my online surfing routine. usually, i read some cnn... read my friends' blogs... read the weather report... check my bank balance... think about posting... check my email a couple... well, fifteen times... and then i struggle to find another site to keep me occupied for another precious second longer. i'm really glad to have found this site. it's entertaining. it's informative. it's a nice way to get an uber-liberal view on things without having to actually talk to anyone.

i heard that alton brown (via good eats on food tv) also has a site. i think i'm going to check that out next...