...and a happy new year

christmas is finally done.
on to new years.

on a side note, we received the proofs from our engagement shoot.
i'm SO happy with the results.
i've put more pictures on my knot bio.

okay. i'm tired. just travelled back from jersey today, and i have to work tomorrow.
gavin's coming into ithaca this weekend. looking forward to a relaxing weekend with a good friend (and the good friend's good friend).

happy new year!

virus, or bacteria?

i've been walking around sick like a zombie since thanksgiving. thought it was a virus. been telling myself, oh it's a virus... can't do anything about a virus... i'll just have to let it pass. well, when the virus hit week 3 i finally got fed up and went to see the doctor. turns out i had a raging sinus infection.

not a virus.
bacteria.
but bacteria that probably started from a virus.
yay me. i'm the winner.

so now that i'm taking antibiotics, i feel better from the chest up but i feel even more crappy with the antibiotics from the chest down. this is when i wish i can find a good acupuncturist for that nasty queasy feeling.

forget it

i wrote this long post about work... then deleted it. it's never a good idea to write about work on a public forum.
not that i have anything bad to say about it today.

now i'm tired.
i'm going to bed.

gotta wrap muchos presents tomorrow and get ready for an overnight trip to connecticut with the fiance's fam.
then a goodbye party for my boss and a coworker.
then a really crappy looking busy week at work.
then christmas!

paul won't give up what he got me for christmas.
i hate surprises.

okay. now i'm really tired.
i'm really going to bed.

it's beginning to look like christmas

we have our tree! our very first tree.
paul and i went to the tree farm, fully intending to pick up a pre-cut, no fuss tree... but once we saw the row of little trees standing in the lot, we couldn't help it. so we picked up a saw and cut our own! i romped around the entire field to look for "THE" tree, but ended up getting the first one we saw anyway.


paul and i always enjoy this time of the year. i'm busy buying/making/organizing presents for everyone, and paul is researching for the perfect egg nog recipe (we saw a good one on good eats).

two weeks until christmas!

in case anyone is still reading...

i'm still alive.
i know it's been insanely long since i last posted. i guess this is what happens when you start living life as an adult? everything you used to do seems to fall by the wayside.

anyhoo...
still working at the da's office. my boss unfortunately lost his reelection bid. FORTUNATELY for me, there's no talk of restructuring the office. yet.
so i'm still where i am, doing the same work.

paul's still chugging away at the research.

* * *

wedding planning's moving along beautifully. my save the date cards (fondly called std's in "the knot" world...) have gone out at this point, and i'm very excited about them. made them myself! took lots of hours and several papercuts, but i have to say, they look pretty darn good. (pat myself on the back)
now if the invitations turn out to look like that, i'll be happy.
veil's ordered and being made by an amazing woman. took engagement pics last weekend (i LOVE my photographers - they're so totally amazing people), and we're scheduled to do our tastings next month. honeymoon is booked, registry is done, and now i just have to sweat out the little details and stay sane until june!

i realized that i have a love-hate relationship with my wedding. one minute, i'm on a high... the next, i'm aggravated by all the work. i just want to get married. how is hardly an issue. but of course, since i AM having a wedding, now i'm obsessing over it. classic case of bridal insanity, i think.
but this weekend, i felt very calm about the whole thing. why? i'm getting married!!! and to someone who makes me all pitter-patter giddy goofy delirious happy. how lucky am i.

* * *

getting ready for christmas. that's always a challenge. i grew up in a family where christmas really wasn't that big of a deal. contrast with my new family. they go NUTS over christmas. i'm beginning to relish in the festivities, though. i helped trim the tree in lansdale over the weekend, and paul and i are getting to trim our very own christmas tree (our first one!). i'll have to take pictures and post them up once that's done.
we did hang a wreath on our door already. it's so festive, i'm loving it.

* * *

been sick for over a week. i'm so tired of it. my chest hurts from coughing, and i have to sit on a jury trial helping out tomorrow. hope i don't start on a coughing fit and annoy the jurors. that would be bad.
slept from 8pm to 2am, with every intention of STAY sleeping. my body didn't like that. hence, i'm up. in front of the computer.

okay... enough is enough. i'm rolling back into bed.
it's cold here alone. *brr*

ciao. let me know how y'alls are doing.

and we're still chuggin' along...

well... so paul was kidnapped by his friends for a long weekend.
kind of a pre-bachelor-party party. i guess they needed the perfect weekend to plan an extravagant getaway, and a wedding is always a good excuse.

so their destination of choice?
germany!
yup.
germany.

germany?????
for a weekend????????

anyhow, he had a great time at oktoberfest, drinking whole liters of beer (yes, they serve their beer in liters).

while paul was away enjoying his drunken revelry, i took the weekend to do girly wedding things. i ordered my veil, i got my makeup trial done, and i tried on and returned not one, but TWO pairs of shoes.
i'm posting pics of the trial. i think considering my serious lack of sleep, my overstressed state, and the fact that i NEVER look good in pictures, the whole thing turned out fairly well. but i'm vain.

i'll eventually update on more pithy and worthwhile topics. right now, i can't think. i just had a friendly's softserve.


A close-up. Yikes. No camera should be that close... 

Pictures taken after my make up trial 

some things change, but some don't...

aya's visit to the u.s. really made me appreciate our friendship even more. we had more than 4 years to catch up on, but we somehow managed to get right back where we were in just a few short days. paul was amazed that two people who are so alike can be such good friends, but i think we're like two sides of the same coin. seemingly like two parts of a whole, yet totally different. you know. yin and yang... fred and ginger... laverne and shirley.

i admit, there are so many things in which we're similar. we've always been that way. we start mimicking each other's speech patterns, walk patterns, even sleep patterns... but i've also noticed where we've grown individually. i think we can't help but be influenced by the world around us. i'm definitely more the wear-a-suit-to-work-i-shop-at-the-gap-american while she's the i-still-have-a-european-flair-but-i-am-oh-so-japanese aura about her. when she called me on the phone the first day she was in the states, i couldn't ignore the distinctly japanese cadence in her voice. but it made the visit that much more fun. we got to find out how we'd changed, just as we reveled in the fact that in some ways, we didn't change at all.

of course, she and paul got along famously. not that i really expected anything less. and i loved spending time with a certain someone from her past as well.
maybe we're ready to move onto the next phase of our friendship and let people in on our ridiculously exclusively bond.

is this weird? paul says i sound like i'm talking about my lover... but what's more valuable (other than your family and your husband/life partner) than your best friends?
why not treat it like a "relationship"? it requires that much love. that much nurturing. that much effort.

anyway... now i'm just babbling.

it was hard to see her go again. i'd almost forgotten how much i missed her. i've said it before, but good girlfriends are such a rarity. i treasure each and every one of them. and every good girlfriend i have, i think, fills a very different need. so not having her around always left an empty space... and i'm afraid i'll probably feel it all over again for the next year until i see her again. i'm afraid i'll be blue for a while. it's like senior year all over again. yikes.

okay. late night. better stop writing or i'll just spiral down a very depressing road. but that's not what i'm feeling at all about her trip. i'm very grateful for our chance to catch up. to recapture some of that past magic. to start creating some new moments. i'll be looking forward to our next reunion.

look at us sexy mamas, reunited! 

an overdue reunion

well, it's been over 4 years but she's finally coming.
aya's finally making a trip to the states for a visit, and i have to say, i'm pretty excited. girlfriends seem like such a rarity these days, so i'm very pleased to have an uber-girly visit -- which i'm sure she'll deliver.

but before then, must get through a hellish week at work and a visit to california!

daily show fans?

okay... i think i saw one of the funniest episodes today.
i especially appreciated the "salad shooter of holy lands" comment.

jordan's probably laughing hysterically from above right now. it was his kind of humor.

finally, an update

okay... so it's been a while since i've updated. a lot's happened in the last couple of months and i haven't been very good about updating.
a series of big events...

my cousin felicia and my parents came to lansdale for the fourth of july. it was our parents' first meeting. it went absolutely splendidly. paul made us some of his famous beer ribvs, we had brunch at the restaurant at the reception site, saw the terrace where we'll be married, and met the neighbors. they were exhausted from the plane ride over, but i think overall they were really glad to have made the trip. my cousin sandy and her husband scott came as well. big family gathering. we had a great time.

my dear friend gavin came for a visit. he was visiting his family in upstate new york, so he made some time to see us for the weekend. we had originally planned on attending the grassroots festival, but we never made it. instead, we grilled out with some friends, drank beer, and shared great stories. i think gavin forgets just how important he is in his field. or he's VERY modest. i think it's a combination of both. anyhow, it was great seeing him. we caught up on old times, laughed about college-time antics, caught paul up on some of the classic stories, and introduced new friends to him. i used to hate mix my different worlds (i.e. my college friends with my grad school friends, etc.) but now, i'm really enjoying seeing how all of my friends and family get along.

paul's parents threw us an engagement party. it was supposed to be a small family affair, but it ballooned out to be a giant backyard party with 80 people. tents and all. at first, i was really overwhelmed by the whole thing. the affair was turning into one big mini-wedding reception. paul's parents put so much work into the party, i didn't know what to make of it, really.
once it started, though, all my fears were allayed. all the work and meticulous planning really paid off. everyone had a great time at the party, we met a ton of family we hadn't met before, and we were surrounded by dear friends who wanted to celebrate with us. everyone was so generous with us, too, we were very touched. of course, i'd be lying if i didn't say it...
i really like the rice cooker we got.

as for other news?
work is progressing along. my case load is huge, and there's never enough time in the day... but i think that comes with the territory. i've been in the courtroom from the first week on the job, and i learn something new every day. i'm not sure if this is the lifestyle i want to lead for a very long time. while i'm not in the office 12 hours a day like some attorneys, each minute of my day is incredibly intense. last pre-trial date, i had 122 cases on my docket in a 4 hour period.
but the job definitely has its perks. my co-workers are all really nice. we try to make time to socialize outside of work. i'm getting to know all the cops on the ithaca pd. once in a while, i feel like i'm really making a difference in someone's life (that's a little rarer).

okay. now i'm just typing for the sake of typing.
i'm including some pictures from the 4th and the engagement party.
i'm off to syracuse tomorrow for prosecutor's training. i worry that paul's going to eat nothing but pizza and chicken wings until i get back. but i think i worry more that i'm going to be insanely lonely.
i don't do alone very well. have i mentioned?

looking pretty with my brother and my flower girl 

thanks sandy and scott! 

our first monogrammed towels 

mom and daughter together again 

good friends, good beer, good grub

caught up with an old friend over the weekend.
i'll have to write about it later, though.
i'm trying to gather up my sanity and prepare for the engagement party next saturday.

as for other news, aya is finally coming to visit the states in september.
i'm very excited about the news of her visit.

more blogging later...

my first bad day...

i had my first "bad day" at work. the honeymoon is officially over.

people have told me before that working in this field makes you ridiculously jaded about people and life. i'm starting to get why. being a public servant is hard enough, but seeing the ugliness that is human makes things a little bit depressing at times.

the flip side is, though, i get to come home and be comforted by someone who is so unlike the people i dealt with all day.
he held me as i ranted, he made me dinner, let me lay around the couch and feel sorry for myself.
afterwards, he even let me watch sex and the city reruns (he hates sex and the city) and now he's getting me ice cream.

so i guess the bottom line is, this job makes me appreciate him so much more.
maybe i should be thankful that people are so shitty.

blasted cup of coffee...

like an idiot, i forgot to say "decaf" before my "soy caramel macchiato" and then forgot that i forgot to say "decaf" until halfway through the cup.

at 9pm.
now it's 12am.

decaf... i better remember that next time.

otherwise, work is going well. i'm still clueless, but i think that's supposed to be normal. or else i'm an idiot.

lawyering is hard.

a GREAT insult i heard from a geico commercial...

"you're so ugly, that if ugliness were bricks you'd be the great wall of china."

haha. i love it.

More pictures from the wedding in Minnesota...

here are some more pictures. biz and greg rented one of those old style boardwalk photo booths for their wedding. i thought it was SUCH a good idea. BUT since they're invited to the wedding, does that mean i can't copy it now????


I LOVE these old style photo booths! 

1.2.3 Say... ????

The gals 

Smiling beauties

How many ex-law students can you fit in a photo booth? 

what an eventful weekend!

first, news.
i have a license and i have a job. being employed totally rocks.


look! i'm a real lawyer! 

we also went go see biz and greg's wedding in minnesota. paul and i had a great time, and the wedding was beautiful, moving, cute, fun, all the stuff a wedding's supposed to be. some pics:


kisskiss! 

lawschool gals 

enjoying the wedding 

the first dance 

i'm a sucker for romance

i've always been partial to hopeless BAD romance movies.
i admit it. i'm the reason why lifetime television exists.
the draw only gets worse when i'm alone in the apartment. the loneliness makes me completely masochistic. i watch unrealistic, sugary-sweet, crying-through-a-box-of-tissues romance movies alone and make me miss him even more. it's sick. i know.

and why not pink?

okay. i have to admit. the big picture of barbie on the sample page drew me to this new template. and why not? it's barbie. and pink. i LOVE pink. it's my new black. if the moms weren't so traditional (along with the rest of the family), i think i would have been okay with a pink wedding dress. fuscia pink. with lots of ruffles.
and bows.

i understand that last paragraph probably makes me sound like the biggest ditz alive, but i've recently decided i don't give a shit. i'd been really self-conscious that i come across as a bit of an asian-blonde in the last year or so and then i realized... who the fuck cares??? anyone who would think that obviously has no idea who i am, what i do, what i've done, what i'm like, and probably don't care to find out anyway. so what if i like to goof off and act like a ditz once in a while? so what if i like pink, i buy pink, and i wear pink? i'm not setting back women's lib. i like being a girly girl. and isn't exercising my right to be a girly girl just as important as exercising my right NOT to be one???
i like it that men open doors for me, offer to carry heavy things, and i don't really mind all that much if they insist on paying once in a while. (not that this is an issue anymore... but still...).
and i don't really care that barbie doesn't portray a positive image for young girls because you know what? i'm not a young girl! and when i do have a girl, i'll make sure she won't look at a barbie and say, "wow... why can't i be like her?" since it's the PARENTS' job to instill self-confidence. not a fucking doll.
and i hate it when women gasp and tell me i'm throwing my life away when i say, "oh, when i have kids i MIGHT stay home." hello? MY choice. MY life. MY kids. and mind your own fucking business.

anyhoo... on to updating.
exciting news of the week is that the paperwork mess has finally straigtened itself out and i'm officially a lawyer! yes! i got sworn in last week, and i would not be lying when i say, "hi. who am i? i'm an attorney." a friend (oh so cleverly)suggested that i should play the theme song to law and order everytime i enter a room. haha. very funny.
it's a hurdle i've finally crossed (after much anticipation). now i can concentrate on straightening out the rest of my jumbled life. =) i'll try to post a picture of me with my certificate once i get the picture back from paul's parents (i even have proof!).

spent last week in lansdale with the kellers while paul was away at a retrovirus conference. it was nice not to be alone all week. i also learned what a geranium looks like, and how to plant one without killing it. i'm horrible with living things, and i thought it was time i start embracing nature instead of avoiding it. kind of difficult, considering i'm allergic to practically EVERYTHING. just realized a couple of weeks ago that i may be starting to develop an intolerance to eggs. eggs????? it's like a cruel joke. fuck it though. no tummyache is stopping me from having my eggs.

joined a gym, finally, and lost SIX pounds in two weeks only to promptly gain back 4 last week while i was away. i'm sure the dinners out and the take-out chinese last friday did not help. time to get back on track. i have an entire year left before the wedding and i'd really like to tone up those arms, flatten the pooch a bit, and lose the double chin. i'm a little worried that my breasts will get smaller, since i ordered the dress using my bust size back in january. i figure i've never lost boob mass in my life and i don't see why this would all of a sudden change this year. unless murphy's law decides to give me a big kick in the ass, i think i'm good to go. besides... that's why we have seamstresses, no? anyway. until now, i didn't even consider going to a weightloss plan before the wedding because i've seen brides go kind of crazy before weddings (i've seen one bride declare that she was going to lose 75lbs in six months before she gets married). but i think i'm giving myself plenty of time with a manageable goal, and i won't be devastated if i don't meet it. i think once i booked a videographer, i kind of freaked. cameras add SO much weight to someone to begin with... i thought i can use all the help. besides, i'm not totally stupid about it. i know i'm not going to be a size 4 by the time i get married. and i'm not starving myself or working out 5 hours a day either. i understand once the special events and holidays hit, it'll be IMPOSSIBLE to stick to an equally impossible diet. so i'm trying to be sensible about it. hopefully as it gets closer to the wedding, i won't lose that sensibility. i'm starting to show signs (although very faint) of bridezilla moments... and i swore i wouldn't be her. well... i promise to TRY not to be her.

see?
sensibility.

a new show that i've discovered... and hate...

paul and i tuned in for some quality tv tonight. after some poker, german airplanes, and dave chappelle, we turned on some discovery for a little bit of edu-macation.

has anyone seen that program, alien planet?

what a ridiculous premise. big fat waste of my time.
at first we were so excited (being the geeks that we are), that there was this show with awesome cg, that talks about future expeditions to explore possible life on other planets. we thought they'd show us grids and diagrams of possible space vehicles... bring in some nasa people... maybe talk about gases or minerals found on mars... all that boring "science" stuff.

ummm... problem. where's the science?
now, we should have known things were going to be bad when george lucas showed up in the first minute of the show. obviously, he's qualified to discuss potential life forms. he did make star wars, after all... that makes him an EXPERT in aliens...

but we kept watching anyway. fine. our bad.

it basically takes a whole bunch of unqualified, unsupported, uneducated speculations based on NOTHING, makes up graphics of them... then brings in all these experts to talk about these lifeforms on other planets as if they really exist! not so surprisingly, all the creatures look like deformed dinosaurs. or something straight out of alice in wonderland (think red mushroom caps).
and what the fuck are these so-called professors doing talking about a fictional alien creature that DOESN'T EXIST.

now... this isn't like a "if a creature such as this exists..." or "if i were to conjure up a creature..." they really talk about these drawings like they exist in real life. they even have these little blips called "fact files".
fact?????
are you kidding me????????
the show presents a new "life form" that this supposed discovery probe finds on this "planet"... and then a real life professor comes on and talks about this life form as if he's made the discovery himself. one professor actually said, "these creatures seem to possess..." (at which point he starts talking about skeletal structures and behavior, etc. etc.) did they get the memo that some graphics intern came up with this thing during his caffeine high???

how many school kids watch this show and think, "WOW. alien life forms!"

irresponsible little twats.

and somehow, they even tricked stephen hawking to comment on the show...
i'm severely disappointed...

and the man i'm marrying is...

Your Political Profile

Overall: 45% Conservative, 55% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

a cute little quiz...

it's a 20 question quiz. i mean, how accurately can you really portray yourself in 20 questions. but i was amused... so i'm posting it.

Your Political Profile

Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

late night tv rocks

night's fallen... the world is asleep... and i'm alone with my computer and late night tv. bravo... lifetime... some conan, maybe even a little azn. not an unusual weeknight. i like to update when i'm alone with the television. the background noise helps me think that i'm not entirely alone, but alone just enough to gather my thoughts for a post. since paul needs his full eight hours of sleep every night (and i'm a chronic insomniac), i find my alone time at this time of night. i like it. it's a different kind of "alone" than the time i spend in my office... or at home while paul's at work. it might be a daylight thing. who knows why or how my psyche works, really.

paul's not feeling well this week. i thought he had a fever today, but he insisted on going to sword practice anyway. when he got back, i forced him into the shower and got him some hot thai food. poor guy went to bed before 10, exhausted. i felt so bad seeing him so miserable. that's how he must feel when i'm sick in bed too. i just hope he feels better in the next couple of days before he has to drive 3 and a half hours home this weekend.

anyway, it's been a while since i made a meaningful post. the wedding and unemployment's taken over my life. friends call me after months of non-contact, and i have nothing to say but, "oh... you know. still jobless. planning the wedding. nothing much over here." i guess i should feel fortunate about my uneventful life right now. relationship's going well - nothing new to report. wedding planning's going well - no real drama. i'm jobless, but i'm not on the streets. i'm actually pretty happy. so how can i complain? i do wish that paul and i can dig ourselves out of poverty soon. we make do with his stipend (i'm not sure how), but i'd love to buy a cup of coffee or lunch without feeling guilty or thinking about my bank balance. i'd love some extra money to put toward the wedding and the honeymoon.

okay. i'm being interrupted by im's. guess i'm not quite as alone as i thought i was =) which is okay with me. i miss my friends.
will write more later!

oh geez, i really earned my english degree

okay.... a MAJOR correction, and a big fat apology.

laura is NOW an expert in diplomacy.
that's what i meant.
and the fact that the W is nowhere near the T makes me wonder, what the hell was i thinking?????

anyway... congrats again.
she's done with her exam, she passed, and she's graduating.
which is weird... because she's graduating again next year.
she's totally addicted to degrees. ask her. =)

because the past is just out of my reach...

it's official. i've grown older.
i tried to party with serena down in philly last weekend and i'm STILL recovering.
i came home to paul's house in lansdale after the party on sunday, barely functioned for the rest of the day, and went to bed at 8:30pm.

8:30??????????

paul's mom knocked on my door at 8:45 to ask me a question, and i was already half asleep. lights off. covers over my head. imagine her surprise, considering i NEVER go to bed before 1. i even had to hand off the cell phone to paul's dad in the middle of our conversation because i couldn't stay up. hello? isn't this why we make fun of our parents???

i turned down every glass of wine offered to me for the rest of my visit, and paul's parents teased me all weekend. my in-laws now know that i'm a drunken party girl on certain special occasions. they seemed more amused than anything... to my relief.

anyway... i swore i wouldn't drink for another week.
i had a beer today.

but i KNOW i won't be partying like this for at least another 6 months. christ, my body's falling apart.

more updates on the weekend later...
LOTS of progress on the wedding...
but too... tired... to... write...

btw,
congratulations to laura for completing her comps.
she's not an expert in diplomacy.
ask her what she thinks of landmines and paul mccartney.

We changed our minds... we're going with the pink instead... Spode Camilla Pink. 

from my dear friend grubbybastard's livejournal...

"Take lyrics to a song, paste them to Google Language Tools. Translate them from English to German, then from German to French, then from French back to English. Post the lyrics on your blog and ask people to guess what song it is"

grubbybastard, you are a genius!
the results are so hilarious.
like this:

I was to make it arrive. I was to modify. The whole life could not remain with the heel my downwards. Window to look at it, durably sun. Thus, I chose freedom. To run around, all, but nothing testing new impressive me with all. I awaited it too never.

(grubbybastard and his super friends use a lot of showtune references. if you're lost, think madonna a la famous singing balcony scene. yessssss... you are correct!)

and as for my own contribution:

All my efforts seemed it yesterday look at now, as if they are here, to remain of Oh-, I believe inside yesterday until now far. I it half the man that I maintained, gives him being a shade, am not sudden which hangs on me. OH -, came yesterday suddenly.

(yes... it's a dead giveaway... but nonetheless amusing)

i'm starting to browse the aisles for anti-wrinkle cream...

i had a talk with a friend today about turning 26.
i think all the excitement behind birthdays left at 25. there's really nothing more to look forward to except wrinkles, aging bones, and sagging boobs. we've crossed all the big hurdles - legal age to marry in kentucky, legal age to buy cigarettes and to vote, legal age to drink at a bar, legal age to rent cars from hertz...

sigh...

Wedding Finds!

Our first attempt at a monogram. 

Our china pattern! 

if you're a classical music buff

paul and i patroled the aisles of borders today, and we found a new gem.
lang lang playing rach 2.
now, i've always been a little skeptical of him. he's gotten mixed reviews from people, he played on jay leno, he has a catchy name... (lang lang... yo yo... what's up with that?)
but when i heard the first 30 seconds of the recording, i knew i found something special. it's different. it's exciting. it's not your average rach 2.
he takes it slower... his bass rumbles... it was almost a sexual experience!

that, and he's totally won my respect if deutsche grammophon signed him.
okay... now i have to stop sounding like a complete dork and move on.

my fellowship's coming to an end. i'm still without a full-time permanent job. i've decided to take a very asian approach to the whole thing. if it's meant for me, it'll happen. if not, then i a) did something horrible in my past, or b) something even better is coming in my future. i opt for option b... preferably in the form of a large cash settlement.

as for wedding news, since that is my entire life right now -
we found a photographer, we've had a setback with the videographer, my dress is coming in late june, i have a bra, i'm looking for shoes, and i've been informed that paul's friends will need paul's passport for their pre-wedding/bachelor soiree.

is that everything?
easter was great. i celebrated my birthday early with the kellers over that weekend.
went over to the neighbors for easter brunch. they had a whole pig sitting on a table. i made them promise they wouldn't order a pig for the engagement party. we taste tested a cake we think we want for the engagement party. white cake, buttercream frosting, with chocolate mousse. yum - thanks costco!

the meeting between the two sets of parents are set! they're all getting together for independence day. hopefully, patriotic spirits will overcome any uneasy feelings.

okay... end of report here for now. my nails are still wet, and i'm ruining them with typing.

adrenaline weekend!

march madness has started!!!!
i was a little sad that i wouldn't be seeing the tournament surrounded by drunken friends, but paul and a constant ringing cell phone were very good substitutes.
i could NOT believe what happened tonight. my brother had been going on and on (and on and on) about how bucknell was going to do this, and how bucknell was going to do that... i mean... come on, bucknell?????

so, my bracket is now filled with big x's everywhere. i have to admit, though, this defeat was not so difficult to swallow. watching bucknell pull off that win was so sweet, i almost forgave them for beating kansas. besides, it was exciting to hear jason scream into the cell phone in all his righteousness.

also on the agenda?
cornell is advancing to the finals of the ecac men's hockey championships.
who are they playing, you ask?
drum roll.....................
harvard!!!!!
now THAT is going to be a game to watch.
cornell-harvard games are notorious to begin with, but the ecac final?????
paul and i are in the search for the perfect sports bar to watch it tomorrow night.
besides, i need the tv free to tape women's figureskating.

and the icing on the cake!
i'm going to flom.
flooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.
if you're a fellow cornellian and flom lover, you'll know what this means to me.
ooooh.... basketball, hockey, figurestaking, and flom.
now i need a plate of sushi and wedding plans to be DONE and all in the world would be well...

next weekend's easter. we're going down to lansdale to be with family and stay an extra day to get wedding stuff done. interviewing videographers, dealing with deposits, making decisions about this and that...
i'm also in search for the perfect longline bra. stuffing these monstrocities into something meant to CONTAIN for more than 5 minutes has proven to be a difficult task to say the least. i think i may have to resort to finding tape and binding myself in. someone mentioned something about a custom corset the other day, but i looked into it and they are like $300! however, it would be oh-so-very-fun to be able to tell people, "oh... yes dahhhhling, i have my corset handmade by this wench from pittsburgh." so deliciously decadent.

i have no will power

i had every intention of starting my weight loss plan by now... but of course, the world's conspiring around me. holiday after holiday... with all this good food around, how the hell am i supposed to lose weight???

i'm starting to get desperate. i joined a message board for brides trying to lose weight, i bought exercise tapes, i'm trying REALLY hard not to make the peanut butter fudge dessert paula deen had on her tv show...

maybe i should just give up.
i mean, the dress is ordered. maybe i should just take it as fate that i'm supposed to be this size on my wedding day.
of course, mom's going to freak when she sees me in july and realizes i haven't lost a single pound.
this is when i wish koreans appreciate fat... but of course, koreans are notorious for their stick skinny women. i was born the wrong sex, the wrong race, at the wrong time...

blech.

registry mania

paul and i went a little nuts creating our initial wedding registries.
we started with crate and barrel and william sonoma, but we still have to add our china and fourth store with linens, etc. eek.

we feel like greedy brats, but we figured this is the one opportunity in our lives when we can ask for real-adult-nice things without being completely unrealistic. both of us want to start out our married life with nice things. that's not so unreasonable, is it?

anyway, two working registries are up! they're linked to the webpage, and we have two more to go!

how do you know

my friend laura asked me how i know.
it's a difficult question to answer in a conversation, really.
i don't want to trivialize it by saying, "oh, i just feel it."
it's more than a feeling.
it's beyond that.
it's solid.
it's real.
it's knowledge.

i know when i open my eyes and see him curled up, in his scruffled-up-bedhead-drooling-on-the-pillow state, and i still think he's the most glorious creature alive... or dead.
i know it when i hear him say goodnight the split second before i fall asleep.
i know it when i wake up with the covers over me when i know i probably kicked it off sometime during the night.
i know it when i ask for some water, he hands me a bottle - not tap.
i know it when i have the impulse to call him on the phone three times a day even though he's less than 5 minutes away.
i know when he makes me a perfect peanut butter and banana sandwich, cut the right way.
i know when i get that flutter in my tummy when he walks through the door at the end of every work day, and it's still as strong as the first time i felt it.
i know it when we talk about our future children, and i hope that they are just like him.
i know it when people say, "oh, he's a good guy," modesty goes right through the window and i can't help but say, "yeah. he really is."

laura is right. i am incredibly fortunate. i'm deliriously happy. i really couldn't have asked for anything more.

cynics, go away. it's not because i'm young. it's not because i'm naive. it's not because i'm overly confident.
i just know.
if you doubt me, check up on us in 35 years. we'll still be around.
you'll find us checking out the comedy section at the video store on valentine's day, looking for a good mel brookes movie.

filling the void martha left me when she went to prison...

this weekend has been strangely productive in areas that really don't reward me in the ways that count.

first, i'm learning to sew on an ANCIENT singer sewing machine (it has 2 stitches... note: TWO. but one comes in 3 different sizes). so far, i've hemmed a pair of pants i haven't worn in about 3 years due to its inconveniently long pant legs, converted a dress that i had always invisioned as a mid-calf - not a down-to-the-ankle, and salvaged a (fitting) salvation army find. paul and i are now in search for a pattern to make him a bag for his sword. joblessness still haunts me, so hell - why not.

i've also made about 10 bead bracelets. same bracelet. just different color patterns. they're horribly amateur, but they're mine. i also put together a pair of earrings since my last attempt didn't work out so well.

i actually cooked a full meal this weekend (i haven't cooked a complete meal in about three weeks).

i finally threw out half-dead flowers that were pleading for euthanasia from the top of the entertainment center.

i've found a new place to store my potatoes so they won't turn bad so quickly.

i've discovered that i prefer non-stick cookware, despite what people say about the dangers of teflon.

paul and i made beer-cheese-bread. yes, the bread machine is back out and in commission once again.

i found that epoxy works just as well on shoe repair as it does on bag repairs.

i realized wegmans does not carry sushi grade tuna in the middle of the winter. they do, however, occasionally give out samples of their ready-made sushi if you shop at the right time.

it dawned on me that i hate diet soda, unless it has cherry flavoring. but anything with splenda gives me a headache.

i decided to sew instead of working out. that's kind of productive, isn't it? replacing what should have been a no-output-slackoff-period into a a-very-low-yield-but-nonetheless-a-yield project time. i also haven't weighed myself in about a week, but i didn't really have a chance to feel guilty because phone conversation time with mom was cut in half due to conflicting schedules.

....

as for other news...
apparently, a law degree means i'm not qualified for anything.
i hate interviews.

the soothing effects of chinese buffet...

the chinese buffet down on route 13 brings us endless joy. after a tough day, we drive down to king's buffet and stuff our tummies with bad chinese food and runny ice cream. it sounds disgusting, but we couldn't be happier. once in a while, they have mini yellow cake too. on those days, we know that we're going to feel extra special walking away.

i don't know if this is ithaca rubbing off on us or not, but small things like this are really starting to make us giddy.
the new walmart opening, the chinese buffet, the chili cook-off, the salvation army, and a good find at the dollar store...

i know... it's sad.
we need to get out of here.

i'm a people person

i miss bodies.
no... not that way.
but i actually miss having people around me.

the other day, serena called me and asked me if i was sick. i realized i was sounding hoarse over the phone because i hadn't opened my mouth to speak to anyone all day (and this was like 3 in the afternoon).

now for those of you guys who know me, you know how much i love to talk.
you also know how much i love to have my friends around me.
so you can understand why this transition to ithaca has been incredibly difficult.

the other horrible thing about this whole setup is i feel that even with the friends i DID have, i'm starting to lose grasp of those relationships too. i know that people are moving on with their lives, especially now that we're all out of school... but it's really sad to see that out of all the people that used to surround me on a constant basis, only a couple of them really seem to have kept that connection with me.

i guess this is what happens when you grow up?
you replace a community with a person and be content?
i mean... i'm happy with my relationship. but that's the whole point of having friends, isn't it? to fill the voids that a relationship can't, and vice versa?

i really think i'm not meant to spend my days alone.
i guess i should feel lucky that i'm realizing very early that the housewife gig won't work for me.

dressing an academic...

so the fab 5 (queer eye) just dressed a molecular biologist studying in england.
i'm DYING to do the same to paul.
he's tall and has so much potential if he'll just let me, but he constantly reminds me that "scientists don't care."

what's wrong with being smart AND nerdy-chic?

yet another post of unrelated things...

this always happens when i don't update regularly. i don't have anything profound to devote to one entry, yet there are too many events to write extensively on... so, here i go. another hodgepodge of events and findings.

1. so i've already talked about the fact that we lost the backyard for the wedding. well, i came home on a sunday, and got a phone call the next morning (monday) from paul's mom - prompting me to come back down to lansdale to find an alternate venue. problem? the huge chain of snowstorms blasting through the northeast. we tracked weather in both directions and decided i was to leave the next clear day, which turned out to be the very next day (tuesday). drove down tuesday with enough clothes to last me a week in case i get stuck... and i set out to find a venue.

2. we found a venue. i made an appointment for wednesday to tour a couple of different places, saw them in one morning, asked about 3 pages full of questions, and plugged some numbers with mom and dad keller. the wedding's going to cost a LOT more than we originally anticipated, but both paul and i were talked into the first venue we saw. it's absolutely gorgeous. i can't say enough about it.


This is a picture of the grand ballroom at normandy farm. yup - it's a converted farm. rustic, yet beautiful. i was SO sad that paul couldn't come down with me to see it. he saw the pictures when i came home, and i think he was equally pleased.

3. flexed my lawyerly muscle. before we decided to go with the venue, i called up the sales director and asked for a couple of contract provisions to be changed. after about an hour of talking, i felt bad and apologized - explained that i'd gone to law school. to this the guy replied, "nooooo.... really? i never would have guessed." normally, i would have been annoyed at the sarcasm, but i did feel bad and he was more than accomodating.

4. put down a deposit on my dress. mom quickly pointed out that maybe i should have waited since i was going to lose SO much weight before the wedding (uhh... yeah, right). then she thought about the possibility that the dress might be discontinued (since it is from last year's collection), and changed her mind. the shop wanted $400 for a veil. i'm trying to figure out if i can just make one myself for $100.

5. it was -17degrees yesterday. my face hurt.

6. i found out (via the history channel) that the star spangled banner is taken after a popular british drinking song. yay america.

7. laura bush's dress (from the inaugural balls) were NOT flattering on her. shame on you, oscar. none of those dresses were pretty. (did you see the yucky green?)

8. i put together a bridesmaid newsletter, which forced me to learn to use microsoft publisher. my next project is putting together a monogram. i'm hoping it'll force me to learn how to use adobe illustrator. see? wedding planning is a learning process.

9. i've concluded that most brides have absolutely no taste. we went to a bridal show on the 16th, and there was a dj (with a mullet) wearing a flashing button on his coat asking "hey, anyone want a dj?" i was then confronted by a flood of postings on a message board saying how awesome the bridal show was. point made.

10. corn nuggets rock. it's corn, it's fried, and it's yummalicious.

11. due to the change in venue, we are now having a full open bar at the wedding (which is good). they informed us that the bartenders card (which can be good or bad, depending on who you are). i'm just excited i can have my vodka and pineapple juice at my own wedding.

12. i still don't have a job.

13. my parents constantly remind me of that fact.

14. we got internet phone. we're still reserving judgment on it. i'm all about the free long distance, but the couple instances of static made me think twice about its awesomeness.

15. my friend gavin is going to gabon (that's in africa). that boy makes me worry all the time.

16. i made cartoon doll caricatures of my bridal party off an internet site. i hope they're not offended when they see it.

17. now i want to make a cartoon doll caricature of every girl i know. why? because it's 4 in the morning, i don't want to do work, and i'm insanely bored.

18. the eagles won.

19. the steelers lost.

20. i guess that means i'm rooting for the eagles on superbowl sunday. (we're hosting a party)

okay... 20 seems like a nice round number. i'll leave it up to that.
wow, that's a long post.

...and there comes the glitches

well...
the new year's begun, and so the wedding planning is in full force once again.
good thing, too. found out that we will be unable to have a backyard wedding like we had envisioned. turns out the property is a) too divided up by random trees to erect the gigantic tent needed for both the reception and the ceremony - that is, unless we start cutting trees down; b) too sloped, which would mean we would have to spend tons of money and tons of time building a wooden LEVEL floor across a very big span of land... and i heard something about two truckloads of sand involved in this convo; and c) if it rains, we have to look through clear plastic walls unless we dish out even more money to get not so clear fake plastic "cathedral windows".

so basically, this is not what we wanted.

i'm a little disappointed about not having a backyard wedding. the sentamentality attached to the whole thing was the most appealing to me, really... but hey. reality is reality.
luckily, we think we have found a good alternative.
if the date hasn't been snatched up first.
and paul reminds me that this is really a blessing in disguise. now, i don't have to worry about renting the china, the linens, the flatware, the glassware, the tents, the dancefloor, the lighting, the servers, the food, the liquor, the bartender, etc. separately, a la carte.
i guess this is some divine intervention? saving me an ulcer, and possibly a very ugly breakup of a good relationship gone bad due to even uglier wedding planning.

i have to say, i'm really sorry that i didn't go into the wedding industry straight out of college. these people rob you of your money left and right. holy cow. my original budget projections went straight out the door, and i basically had to double it just to cover all the basic needs.
and i'm not even getting the premium martini bar...

anyway -
found my dress.
i'm 99.9% sure.
i'm going back next month to put down the deposit and get measured.
mom says i should wait until i'm thin and beautiful.
mom just needs to realize i'm never going to be thin.
but i might still be beautiful, anyway.

will write more later.
see? i updated.