sunday night thoughts

i've watched sonic ads on tv for YEARS now, and never have seen a sonic in real life. paul and i have concluded that if we ever see a sonic on the road, we must stop and sample their food. their marketing people are geniuses.

talledega nights is a great sunday night movie. it's also a good any other night movie.

chocolate dipped pretzels are a messy project.

defective, yet tasty baked failures make good snacks. (do you think that cookie is less than perfectly round? yeah, we should eat it.) and why isn't a single cookie spelled cooky?

i never have enough parchment paper in the apartment.

tomorrow, i tackle giant chocolate chip cookies...

hard wiring

life would be much more peaceful if men and women were wired the same way.

a weekend of bad movies

i spent part of my sunday playing my favorite sport - channel surfing.
as i cruised up and down the channels, i watched short snippets of:
van helsing
unleashed
alien vs predator
the tuxedo
a league of extraordinary gentlemen

surprisingly enough (or rather, unsurprisingly), a 15-20min clip of each movie was more than enough to confirm all the critics' opinions. these movies really, truly stink.
did that really stop me from watching them? no. am i excited about yet another showing of the mummy? why yes, yes i am.

paul krugman wins a nobel

so i don't usually get excited about economists. i often skip the money sections of the paper and head straight for the celebrity gossip columns. but i often check the nytimes website for paul krugman's opinion column, despite its lack of juicy rumors and racy photos. so it's not surprising that the news of krugman's nobel prize is pretty exciting to me.

and besides, stephen colbert did a whole intro-rant on paul krugman tonight.
that tells me this is a big freakin' deal.

edit

i had this post up for all of an hour talking about the debate.
then i remembered why i try to keep my political comments off my feel-good vanity project. i love my blog. i rely on my blog. i want to keep my blog asshole-comment free.

so i won't discuss what i'm thinking right now.
but catch me in person and hand me a glass of wine. i'll be more than happy to tell you what i'm thinking, so as long as you promise you'll stay calm and sip wine with me while you tell me why you agree or disagree.

'america's got talent' makes me depressed

so apparently, american television producers have lost all creative abilities and have resorted to copying the RESULTS from other shows.

anyone see 'britain's got talent' on youtube?
remember paul potts, the cell phone salesman, who likes to sing opera? of course you do! he's been on oprah!

so tonight, on 'america's got talent', an INSURANCE salesman sang the same song that paul potts sang in his finals. THE SAME SONG!
cell phone salesman singing 'nessun dorma'... insurance salesman singing 'nessun dorma'...

oh yeah - anyone can see how those two acts are totally different.

really large needles!

i've been accosted by health care professionals with really large needles.

did you know the hepatitis vaccine really hurts?
so do cortisol shots.

ouch.

the perfect attendance award is a bad idea

remember the perfect attendance award? there were always one or two uber-goody-two-shoes at the end of the year with the ridiculously large certificates with the words "PERFECT ATTENDANCE" plastered across the top.

why is this award a good idea?
first of all, it's only given to elementary school kids who don't know yet how to play hooky. which means other kids' IMperfect attendance is entirely dependent on their parents' judgment.

secondly, the perfect attendance award doesn't distinguish absences that result from illness from absences for frivolous things, like family vacations. umm... so we're going to award kids with better immune systems? or worse yet, we're going to reward parents who send sick kids to school (only to infect all the other kids in class)?

what if the kid catches chicken pox (although they have a vaccine for that now, you know)?
what if he falls from his bike, breaks his leg in pieces, and needs leg surgery?

teachers should really think about whether they want sniffly, fevered, germ-infested over-achievers in class to infect every single surface of the room with the cold virus. how many sick days does the school district award teachers each year again? i'm sure they won't be so enthused about handing out those perfect attendance award then...

umm... baby got back?

HI-larious video. found it on a friend's facebook page.

practical shoes???

i must have had a slight foot injury from a while ago that's been exacerbated in the last few weeks. the pain was unbelievable, so i finally broke down and went to go see my doctor.

after filling out the paperwork for an xray, he told me i needed "good" shoes to help me heal for at least the next 4-6 weeks. he even gave me a couple of brands to check out. i don't think he believed i was capable of choosing practical shoes all on my own. probably didn't help that i was wearing bright pink crocs with absolutely no support.

anyway, here they are. my ugly practical shoes.




this is possibly the only time i've gone shoe shopping and i didn't feel that flittery happy feeling inside.

i had TONS of plans on my week off...

BUT i'm pretty sure i hurt my foot.
badly.

so i'm sure i'll be spending the rest of the week trying to chase down an open appointment, until i break down and just go to urgent care...

sigh.
i just want a real vacation.

and another one!

i think paul krugman is even more peeved than i am...
here's another one...

because paul krugman finally said what needs to be said...

i rarely blog on politics. i find that no matter how sound my logical arguments may be, or how grounded in common sense my position is, someone walks away pissed off. so in order to avoid those uncomfortable passive-aggressive exchanges in my "comment" box, i write mostly about my mundane life. besides, i think most people who tune into this blog station on a regular basis already know my political positions on most things.

but this latest focus on offshore drilling has gotten me really revved up. to be honest, it has very little to do with the drilling itself, but the fact that i feel like the entire nation is being misled by inaccurate (but persuasive) statements. take whatever position you want on it, really. but get the FACTS out for people to consider.

i think the common belief in this country is that whatever oil we do produce, we'll keep for our country's exclusive use. uhhh... where did you get THAT idea? don't people realize that any oil being pumped out is going straight out into the global market? and in the grand scheme of things, our contribution to the "pool" won't be significant enough to alter market prices dramatically. let's face it. we're just not in a oil-rich region to compete with the middle east's production rates.

but for the sake of argument, let's just say we DO reserve all that oil for our country's exclusive use. all the oil we'll pump from this effort will last this country... what... a decade? and then what? it's unrealistic to think that there will be an alternate energy source/infrastructure in place in only a decade's time. and by then, we would have sufficiently angered OPEC, isolated ourselves off yet again, and god knows what we'll end up paying for oil. don't people ever think about the FUTURE anymore?

so, please. stop saying that off-shore drilling is going to alleviate high gas prices. because if you crunch the numbers... heck, ANY numbers and actually look at the facts, that simply isn't true. and please... don't flame me because i actually decided to write something more substantial than what color lipstick i'm going to wear this weekend.

anyway, paul krugman put this SO MUCH BETTER than i ever could. here is his opinion piece in the new york times: krugman op-ed

pandora

i think i finally something that'll cure me of my compulsive music surfing (skipping).
pandora won't let me skip too many songs in an hour. something to do with licensing.

maybe it'll actually force me to listen to something for more than 4 seconds at a time.
it'll be a great experiment.

...and for happier news

i'm jumping ship to a non-profit!
it's what i've been wanting to do since law school, and it's finally happening!

i start on the 18th! so exciting!

R.I.P. Randy Pausch

the world lost a star today with the death of randy pausch. see CNN obit here.

i remember first watching him on oprah and being surprised that someone, with death pounding at his door, could live such a fun-filled hopeful life. frankly, it shamed me, because i have never lived that way. i guess that's why he was such an inspiration to us all. he displayed such pure strength, integrity, and perspective that all of us wish we had. and in the midst of dying, taking care of his family's future, and living out the rest of his dreams, he raised awareness for pancreatic cancer for the entire country. thanks to people like him, aggressive bloggers like snick, hard-working activists (you know who you are, skt), and good research scientists (like our dear friends at the national cancer institute), maybe cancer will become just a distant memory.

a new title! a new address!

although i am deeply attached to the inspector gadget reference in my previous blog address, i figured it was time for me to consider a url that people may have a small chance of remembering.
after all, it's not really a vanity project if no one's there to witness my vanity being flaunted. no?

since this blog is really all about me, time for another update.

i'm in the middle of my crazy, chaotic summer travel schedule. no, no. i'm not spending my summer vacationing in hot tropical locations. mainly, we're traveling each weekend for weddings, family obligations, and showers. we try not to look at the total every time we fill up the gas tank, which right now, is too often.
the one plus from all this traveling is that we're really beginning to learn how to use paul's fancy schmancy camera. he's gotten some fantastic pictures at weddings so far, and even i've managed a handful of good shots at showers, etc. we even have a couple of scenery shots that we'd love to blow up into posters to hang in our apartment. i'll have to post them as soon as we get the pics organized.

i'm also doing some blog surfing during my downtimes, as you can see on my newly improved blogs link. i'm browsing some of the blogspot blogs of note recos, and i'm always up for more suggestions.

lastly, i'm providing you with a link to my friend's article in the post express that i found highly amusing. it's an article on snoop dogg. yeah, really.

follow-up

paul and nick point out that anyone born via c-section, babies whose mothers used pain killers during labor, and test tube babies are all UNnaturally born citizens.

i think i might have opened a big can of worms...

there's a really a question about this???

so apparently, a small group of people are arguing that john mccain is constitutionally barred from running for the presidency, because he was born in panama while his father was serving in the navy. the constitution states that only a naturally born citizen of the united states is eligible to run for the office of president. well, isn't he one????

as far as i know, a child of two u.s. citizens is also a u.s. citizen.
secondly, i don't think john mccain ever had to complete a naturalization process, which would also indicate that the country recognizes his citizenship from birth.

i mean, come on. as much as i would LOVE to see the democrats win in november, is this the best argument against mccain's candidacy? complain about his positions, his voting record, his choices, but i think we can hardly count on an ambiguity (and a rather weak argument at best) in constitutional language to defeat him in the fall.

anyway, here's an interesting opinion piece from the new york times:
New York Times Op-Ed

see? i told you so...

DNA evidence just cleared the entire ramsey family - yes, that's the ENTIRE family - of any suspicion and the authorities wrote a formal letter of apology. (of course, it only took 12 years for the authorities to acknowledge their mistake, but what's a dozen years really?)

and people ALL thought the ramsey family was guilty of killing their own daughter after the family started talking to an attorney. well, duh - when you're under a "cloud of suspicion," why WOULDN'T you talk to an attorney?

C.Y.A. that's my mantra.

alone time

paul and i just celebrated our two year wedding anniversary in june. it occurred to us that despite the fact that two years have passed since our wedding day, we hardly have had any time alone. we can count the number of weekends we've spent alone - without guests, family, or travelling to some event - on our 10 fingers. this summer is a prime example of our hectic lives. between the weekends of june 21 and august 2 (those dates being inclusive), we only had ONE WEEKEND DAY free to do whatever we wanted. it's crazy!

my mom commented that since our wedding, we've never actually had a "honeymoon phase" of our relationship. we were sick on our honeymoon (okay... so we had a pretty good time even though half the time we were laying in bed from aches and pains), we arrived home from our cruise to what could have been a family tragedy, and from then on we just proceeded to walk down this chaotically scheduled lifestyle for the next two years. so my mom is concerned for us. so concerned, in fact, that she's forbidden us to use vacation time to go visit family in california. FORBIDDEN.

i love my mom.

but she's absolutely right. i feel like our relationship is suffering with the lack of down time. we're always on the go, that we don't have time to digest the events in our lives anymore - which is a really important thing to do right now, given the changes we've had in the last 10 months!

i think when i think about our weekend commitments, my thoughts automatically turn to my in-laws. but i think that's not really the point. i think we give in too easily, and put ourselves on the backburner too often. it's time for us to take care of ourselves and start nurturing our relationship too.

i just hope it won't lead to some kind of a family fall-out...

too close to home?

i picked up a copy of jhumpa lahiri's 'the namesake' from the library and began reading it a couple of days ago. while i recognize the beautiful storytelling and give the author her much-deserved credit for her talent, i'm having a really uncomfortable time as i flip through the pages. i think any story about immigrants always hits me deep. it leaves me with a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. i feel either saddened, embarassed, or angry when i read about the characters' struggles, the misunderstandings, the cultural barriers, etc. i felt the same way when i read 'free food for millionaires' by min jin lee. i guess some experiences in my life have left me still raw. don't get me wrong - i'm not claiming that i've been horribly treated as an immigrant in this country. i don't think i've experienced anything out of the ordinary for any immigrant of the '80s. considering the fact that i am first generation, i think i've taken to america quite well. in fact, i believe most everyone would agree that i'm now more american than i ever was korean. it's just that the handful of hard times will always remain with me. maybe one day i'll talk about those difficult experiences, and perhaps then they'll simply turn bittersweet.

culinary retreat

paul's been away at berkeley for a week now, and he'll be gone until sunday. i'm a totally codependent wife; i can't deal with this prolonged absence. so to pass the time more quickly, i decided to take a weekend trip to NYC, my favorite city.

i didn't intend on the trip becoming a major food fest. i thought i'd take in some touristy sites (because despite the NUMEROUS times i've been there, i'd never done anything truly touristy), hang with friends, and get in a good meal or two. well, the weekend revolved around food nonetheless, which i guess is not out of the norm for the restaurant capitol of america.
i'd read online that new york has the best sullongtang in the world, so of course, i had to try it. i don't know if it was the BEST in the world, but it was certainly delicious. my trip to little korea then led me to a frozen yogurt at pinkberry. i'm so sad that DC doesn't have its own pinkberry, and i hope that the powers that be realize what an untapped jewel of a market this is. for dinner, we headed to chinatown for joe shanghai's famous soup dumplings. generally, i'm wary of hypes, but joe shanghai did not disappoint. the soup dumplings were magnificent, and now i'm in a mad search for a DC establishment. during the weekend, i also visited sarabeth's, a cute little restaurant in the upper west side. aside from great company, i tasted the most marvelous pumpkins waffles (i know! pumpkin!). and of course, no trip to nyc is complete without a visit to magnolia for their famous cupcakes. throw in a bubble tea, some delicious cocktails, and a newly discovered love for lillet and voila - a perfect trip to NYC (well, almost perfect. the heat wave definitely put a slight damper on things).

this trip to new york, in a way, was also a farewell. i always thought paul and i would end up in the big apple right after paul's graduation. i had envisioned us spending a couple years in the city while paul finished his postdoc, getting the city life out of our system, then moving to a nice suburb to start an adult life.
obviously, circumstances led us to DC instead. while i am really enjoying DC, i'm always cognizant of the fact that it simply is not new york.
frankly, when i learned that new york was no long an option for us, i was pretty crushed, and i held that disappointment with me for the past six months. but it's time to let go and grow up. new york can't provide us with the kind of opportunities that have been presented to paul. new york can't give us a home with a yard. new york certainly can't give us the quiet stability that paul needs. and to be realistic, at 34, i'll want the suburbs a heck of a lot more than i'll want the hustle and bustle of new york city. so the new york train has passed the keller household. oh well. so i'll always be a visitor. i'll just have to visit frequently.

yummy yummy

we went to fogo de chao with sandy and her family on monday.
it was sooooooooooo yummy.
for those of you unfamiliar with the restaurant, see here.

we think we'll go back for paul's birthday this year. it's a bit pricey on our budget, but since we'll be unable to take a weekend trip for his birthday like we originally planned, we figured an extravagant dinner was not entirely out of order. but that's still months away!!! arg!

complaining mood

it feels like a monday. i think coming back to work after a long weekend is so much harder than dragging myself out of bed on a regular monday morning. in fact, my body, mind, and patience have already declared today a monday.
anyway, in the spirit of cranky mondays, i've decided to complain and whine in this entry. blogging IS supposed to be a therapeutic exercise, no? maybe if i purge my complaints in writing, i won't bitch about it later to my husband.

* i couldn't wake up this morning, because i had such a terrible night of intermittent sleep. and when i did sleep, i dreamt that i was about to marry an aspiring polygamist. yes, i said aspiring.
* i have a giant bug bite on my right hand, another one on my left foot, and yet another in between my toes. when i finally found the hydrocortisone tube and opened the cap, a big glob plopped onto my carpet.
* i didn't use my usual giant tote bag today. instead, i walked out with only my purse in hand. well, i now know why i carry such a large tote. it usually contains my walking shoes, a snack, two cans of soda, and a hoodie - none of which i have with me today.
* i washed my hands in the bathroom, walked out, and then realized that some soap got caught under my ring - making my finger soapy all over again. i had to turn around and re-rinse my already clean hands.
* i broke two nails during the baseball game on saturday. i had to cut them way down to prevent them from splitting into the nail bed. i no longer have gorgeous long nails.
* i desperately craved a cookie (or a candy bar) after lunch, but only found a five dollar bill in my wallet. the machine doesn't take five dollar bills. when i went to look for my change, i found two quarters and one australian coin resembling a quarter. i was 25 cents short of a candy bar.
* my hands and the bottom of my feet are cracked. but when i reached for my lotion in my purse, it wasn't there. i guess when i switched purses, the lotion never made it.
* since i now guzzle diet soda while sitting at work, i get major caffeine withdrawal headaches by 11am if i forget to drink coffee/tea/soda the first hour at my desk.
* i tried to renew my books at the library, but the system told me i've reached my renewal limit and would not renew my items. now i have to run to the library before it closes tonight to return my books, although i'm not finished with them yet.
* everyone at the insurance company sounds exactly the same. it's like the same woman answers the phone, but each time, she provides a different name. so of course, when someone answers the customer service line, i stammer for a couple of seconds before i realize i am indeed talking to a different woman.
* i still can't find my spool of blank dvd's. it's probably due to the fact that we still have unpacked boxes lying around our apartment, but i'm unwilling to a) unpack those boxes and b) attribute my lack of dvd's to my personal laziness. so i'll just keep complaining about the fact that we still haven't found our dvd's until paul finds them himself.
* i watched the grey's anatomy and ugly betty's season finales on the internet over the weekend. both of them were cliffhangers. i hate cliffhangers. they go against my grain. i want my endings wrapped up without messy fringes, and i like them happy. now i have to wait until the fall for what probably will be a disappointing outcome.

i realize i can go on for hours.
i'll just stop here.

you know you're korean american if...

someone on facebook posted this list.
yes, i know. it's a stereotype. not all koreans are like this. blah blah blah.
it's not a political statement or anything okay? i just thought it was funny (especially since so many of these pertain to me in particular).

anyway, it's copied and pasted... so excuse the formatting and the random props to unknown people. the ones that either apply to me or the ones i have seen from experience, are in bold.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE KOREAN AMERICAN (or IRISH, CANADIAN, Australian,....basically 2nd Generation Koreans?) IF (in random order)....

133. Instead of taking just one, your mom takes a stack of napkins to go and use later

132. Your parents eat kimchee with their spaghetti

131. If your mom is super submissive, has that Korean "guilt" thing or nags on a regular basis

130. If you go to your local Korean market, and they are selling state of the art toilet seat bidehs next to the bags of rice and it doesn't phase you as being really weird.

129. If there's a shoehorn by the front door and your mom wears SAS shoes

128. When you ask if they need help, and they say no, but they really mean "yes! don't ask, just do it".

127. When you do something wrong, and your dad gives you that death stare along with the hissing sound, then starts mumbling something under his breath.

126. If your parents don't realize they're flipping people the bird whenever they point at something. (from Joe Lee)

125. At restaurants, if their food doesn't taste as good as the last time when they had it, it your parents conclude that there must have been a change in "joo-een" (manager/owner) (From Daniel Kim)

124. Your parents' closets smell like moth balls (from Christina Moon)

123. Your parents have told you that you will die in the middle of the night if you leave the fan on running....

122. Your parents ALWAYS want you to stay home and not go out - read a book instead, etc.

121. You had to drink "han yahk" before when you were sick (almost puking at the smell...)

120. For punishment they've made you go on your knees and raise your hands up high, or they made you stick your hands out so they can smack them...or beating....usually for disrespecting them unintentionally or talking back....ouch....ahyahyah.

119. you can haggle like noone's business (you most likely learned it from watching your mom/grandmother)

118. you started studying for the SATs in 7th grade

117. your parents sent you to the Korean government sponsored "gyopo" summer camp in Korea to "learn about your roots" (little did they know it was just a big meet market/hookupfest)

116. you're fluent in "Konglish". (Appah, can I borrow your cha tonight so I can go to the noraebang?)

115. your parents have always discouraged any interaction with the opposite sex, but the day after you graduated from college, they started badgering you about when you were going to get married

114. you actually like daenjang jigae and can tolerate the smell

113. no soft mesh body sponges for you - you shower with the painful, sandpapery "italy towel".

112. When your parents wave for you to come over, they wave down towards them.

111. ...if your parents carefully opens the gift wrap so that they can save it and someday use it on someone else's gift (this one is courtesy of David Byun..thx David!)

110. You have an aunt (emo) that always slips you a $100 bill when they see you. They try to do it discreetly too which makes it all super secretive but then your mom sees and says "aii...uhnee" and your aunt goes "ah..tehsuh..tehsuh.."

109. Your mom has mixed raw egg with soy sauce and rice for you to eat as a kid

107. You've eaten raw ramen noodles as a snack - Sapporo Ichiban - the red packet

106. When someone in your family drives a Toyota or Honda (usually with a box of tissue somewhere in the car, like in the back window)

105. Grandmothers/moms use pots and pans as noisemakers - hitting them with metal spatulas and such - when rooting for their church volleyball team to win...or any sport.

104. Your mom packs food in a napkin before leaving the casino buffet (muffin...fried chicken...) (from John Nahm!)

103. You've had a bowl cut at some point in your life.

102. Your mom has short-permed hair

101. You're a girl and you've put tape on your eyes before to make "sanguhpuhr" or...perhaps you just got the surgery done.

100. You have had a piece of rice stuck to your shirt or hair before

99. You've been called an "Ee-nuhm-uhn-jai-sheik" or "Kai-she-nah" by your parents many times in your life

98. You eat seaweed soup on your bday prepared by your uhmah!

97. When you or guests are leaving your parents' house, they wait for you to get into the car and leave before they go back in the house. Won't close the door, until you're gone. Doesn't matter if it's freezing cold outside...they'll linger and wait until you're gone first before they go back in the house.

96. I like....flat butts and i cannot lie! Your mom has a flat butt which is usually covered by Korean brand polyester pants.

95. Your parents always eat some sort of fruit for dessert...apples, asian pear, oranges...and your mom peels the apple skin, the core and slices it into "crescent" shape pieces.

94. you just love, love, love them korean faux fur blankets.

93. There is some piece of Korean furniture in the house somewhere like a folding korean table or a black ebony chest with cranes all over it.

92. Your mom has bulk packs of Korean nylon knee high stockings - and wears them with sandals

91. Your parents put Salon-pas or Ben-Gay on their aching bodies. When your dad or mom is sick, they put a wet washcloth on their forehead.

90. Your parents never drink water (except soju and other alcoholic beverage) until they finish eating their meal, no matter how heavy the meal is. Now that I think of it, they don't even have water pitcher or cups out until they've finished with their meal. Actually, forget cups, they just pour the water in their rice bowls to drink it up. (from Chun Shin)

89. Your parents only buy thousand island dressing and think it's the only dressing that tastes good

88. When you're out eating with an older brother or sister, they usually pay for your meal.

87. When you were younger and at a restaurant with another korean family, your parents would fight over the bill...usually the dads...they start grabbing it out of the hand and/or try to pay and the other one pulls him down going ..."ah yai..yai..yai...". sometimes this back and forth process will take 15 min. - everyone else waiting until the parents duke it out and pay.

86. You open the refrigerator door, and fall back - potent!

85. Your parents are tired, so they do the kimchee squat wherever they're at.

84. At church retreats, you eat kimchee bowls at like 11:00 pm with everyone. you know what chappegetti, sapporo ichiban and neoguri are....one or the other are always in the kitchen cabinet.

83. You have one of those asian fruity purple/orange/blue whatever color car fresheners in your car

82. Your parents never paid for napkins...they just took a whole stack from mcdonald's, restaurants...etc.

81. When you were in trouble, your dad/mom tried to hit you with their korean slipper from the kitchen, rolled up korean newspaper or your dad's shoehorn (the slippers didn't really hurt)

80. You're a girl - when you go to the Hello Kitty store you still want to buy everything no matter what your age (you still have and use cute pencils, pens, korean/japanese stationary)

79. No matter how wealthy your family is or isn't, they never waste or throw away food; after you're done eating and completely full, you mom says "that's it? eat some more!" as she gives you a 3rd plate of food/rice

78. Someone in your close circle of friends is named John, Paul, David, Peter, Esther, Susan or Jenny Lee/Kim....actually, quite a few of them are named that.

77. You can't eat ramen without kimchee or bap. And if you have to b/c you ran out, you feel like something's missing.

76. You hit someone sitting next to you from laughing so hard. In fact, you SILENT laugh while hitting.

75. You play guitar, violin, or piano

74. Failure means telling your parents you are not going to be a doctor but feel called to go to seminary instead to be a mok-sah-neem. Watch out while the rage begins - "Nuh Mee Juh Suh!!!!"

73. Your parents have lived in the U.S. for 20 years+ but they mainly speak Korean. In fact, one of them doesn't speak English at all.

72. You hated eating Korean food in high school (preferably going to get American food with friends). Now that your out of the house, you crave Korean food all the time!

71. Your dad is always on the couch after work, quietly reading the Korean newspaper or watching the Korean news/videos.

70. The Korean newspaper is the 2nd bible to your parents.

69. Your mom knows a friend, who had a friend, who had a friend....that something bad happened to therefore, you need to listen to your parents and do as they tell you althought there is no logical connection whatsoever to the story they just told you (usually that "friend" is just a news article they read from the Korean newspaper)

68. Your dad would explode and yell with a passion about once every few months or year. The rest of the time, he's quietly reading the newspaper.

67. Your mom works more than full-time, cleans, cooks homemade meals, sews, serves, is always go, go, go and worries so much that she nags you about what you're going to do with your life. Your dad has never cooked or washed dishes in the kitchen but man, when it's time to grill that kalbi....he's all over that!

66. You communicate through your mom what you need to tell your dad and vice-versa

65. Even in college, when you have large group get togethers, the girls are in the kitchen preparing the food, while the guys stay in the living room hanging out.

64. Even though you are a gifted artist, you know the only professions that exists for you are in medicine/business/computers or law.

63. Most Korean girls you know are teachers, pharmacists or nurses

62. Most Korean guys you know are accountants, IT/Engineering, doctors, lawyers or Seminarians

61. Your mom always dresses up when going out of the house. At home, she dresses like a homeless woman wearing your old clothes/sweats and mismatching.

60. In high school, you get depressed when you get a bad grade, evaluating the existence of your whole life and wondering if you'll ever amount to anything

59. When playing large group games, embarrassing and targeting someone in front of the whole group for ridicule pleasure is fun and normal...in fact, he/she probably likes the attention

58. Writing your name with your butt, sizzling like a bacon, getting your wrists hit by other people's swinging fingers and the guys' version of "motorcycle" are all normal behaviors to you

56. When eating a grilled fish, your mom eats the fishhead and eyeballs like it's filet mignon

55. On special occasions, your parents will go to a Chinese restaurant where they won't have Americanized Chinese food, but "Fear Factor" Chinese food (E.g. jellyfish, shark fin soup). You're disgusted, starving and think their weird for eating it. Your parents are happy, delighted and think you're weird for not eating it.

54. Your parents are part of some sort of social group. It usually involves secret group money collecting/exchange.

53. Getting toilet paper, toothpaste, or any highly practical item is an appropriate and wise prize during team games

52. When you're around non-Asian people, you stop using slang words, start enunciating your words and start using proper grammar/English or just stand there remaining silent thus adding to the already quiet Asian stereotype. When you're with your Korean friends, you're a whole new personality.

51. Where you're at a church retreat, skits are your favorite part and there's always a dance-off or breakdancing of some sort.

50. Your parents have embarrassed you in public before by their mannerisms (dad yelling too loud "Eun Jung AHHHH!!! YUH-GEE-WAH!!!", parents swearing in broken English at another driver)

49. You only know the first line of the Korean National Anthem and sing it "Dong Heh Muhr Gwa..." and then stop b/c you don't know the rest of the words.

48. If you're a girl, when talking to someone of the opposite sex, your voice gets higher, pitchier, whinnier, with a lot of fake giggling...E.g. "Ah, oPaHhhhhhhhhh!!! giggle....soft fake hit on the arm"

47. If you're a guy, when you're with your friends, you play basketball or massive multiplayer video games for fun.

45. When you go to the beach for a bbq, camping or an amusement park, your parents bring the 3 golden Ks - kimchee, kalbi, kimbab

44. Parking lot syndrome. This is quickly broken when someone suggests you guys get some boba.

43. You have name-brand style....mad style...more so than other asians (except perhaps the japanese who are bit funkier in a weird way.) Music/talents/dramas from Korea highly influence you.

42. If you are a girl, you spend $150-$250 getting a straight pah-mah to make your hair look "naturally" straight.

41. Even though you really wanted to go to UCLA, your mom finds your Berkeley acceptance letter and mails it out behind your back confirming you'll go there. (true story!)

40. When you're around your parents, you tone changes and you speak like a baby or little kid "Uhhhhh-MMMMMaaaaahhhhHHHHH! Nah beh goo pahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

39. When you're around your parents, they treat you like a little kid/baby and like you don't know anything or have been anywhere.

38. If you are a girl, you have had a crush on the praise leader (Godly, talented, well-dressed, great voice, smart, romantic)

37. If you are a guy, you dream of a girl like the one in the korean video (perfect, cute, serving, fun, passionate, tender)

36. For those who can relate to #37 and #38, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE KIMCHEE CHEE-GEH!!!

35. You know when your mom's cooking dang-jang-jee-geh....the minute you open up your front door. Whoo! Potent!

34. Your dad or mom planted something in your front yard, backyard, wherever there's dirt - they'll plant and grow. Lettuce? Corn? Something...

33. You are so artistic that when you go to different stores and see something you like, you naturally think "I can make this. Cheaper too." (I think Koreans are highly creative and artistic!)

32. You get excited when someone suggests playing korean group games. You just love them Korean group games!!! Never a dull moment...

31. Your church parking lot has more Lexus, BMW, and Mercedes cars than the local dealership

30. Eating on the floor with no chairs is considered normal when with a big group of people.

29. If someone walks into a room/house with shoes on, it makes you highly uncomfortable and nervous.

28. Your parents are looking for a toothpick after they've eaten at a restaurant. When they find one, they cover their mouths with one hand while picking their teeth with the other.

27. Your parents have lived in the U.S. for over 20+ years, and they still don't vote.

26. You used to lie to your parents in high school telling them you were going to the library when in fact, you were really going out with your friends. (heehee)

25. Three types of Korean girls - the k-town l.a. club scene girl, the goodie/holy try to act super cute modestly dressed church girl, and the ones that no one really pays attention to.

24. Three types of Korean guys - the bad boy gangsta wannabee, the best all-around good looking worship/church leader that all the girls have crushes on and think that's the guy for them, the nice, ordinary guys that get easily overlooked

23. When your mom cooks, she never measures anything. And when you ask her how much you should put it in...she says "ah...you know. a little bit here. a little there. just taste."

22. When you like a guy/girl, you make him a praise mix or write encouraging letters on cute asian stationary (which includes the mandatory scripture verse)

21. A kid gets into an Ivy League school and their parents are touted as being the greatest parents ever!

20. Your mom puts potato salad in between two slices of bread

19. Your parents have a professional karoake machine complete with a rotating disco ball; you hate it when it's your mom or dad's turn to sing b/c they sing these whiny korean folk songs with electronic background music.

18. Your parents have a free calendar hung on their wall from church or the local Korean market.

17. Your mom randomly tells you what their friends' kids have done, especially if they did something good for their parents. You feel like they are comparing you to them..which they are.

16. A date night for your parents, is lying in the electronic heated blanket with thick puffy faux fur korean blankets in the living room watching Korean videos.

15. When going to the beach with your mom, she's covered from head to toe with her 10-inch sun visor, her robotech sunglasses, lightweight jackets and such. In fact, they will most likely drive to the beach, look at the water, say "Cho-TAH!!!" and then drive back home after one hour.

14. If your parents call you "Kah-She-Nah" or "Jai-Sheik" if you haven't called them in over a week and then feel guilty about it

13. While watching a korean drama, you had an epiphany and realized your parents' loud voice level was just normal.

12. You've washed your hair in a river before on some road trip when you were a little kid

11. You've never seen your parents kiss

10. When you were in 1st grade, your parents used rice instead of buying Elmer's glue

9. Your mom has a collection of empty kimchee jars for future use, big rubber basins in the backyard for making kimchee, a gallon of koh-joo-jang and a 20lb bag of rice. Your dad will even comment on the koh-joo-jang or kim being really good b/c it's from korea but you can't tell the difference.

8. You wash your dishes by hand (only using the dishwasher on special occasions)

7. Your parents rarely show teeth or have big smiles in pictures

6. You get straight A's on your report card with one A- or B+ . Your parents are really worried about the A- or B+, say do better next time and pray about it.

5. You know you have to marry a Korean. They don't even have to say it. You just know. (Unless MAYBE if the guy's super rich and Chinese)

4. Your mom keeps her rubberbands around the kitchen sink faucet handles

3. Your mom uses water and an old rag to clean everything

2. Your mom has a bag of frozen anchovies (meh-duh-chee) in the freezer

1. Your mom has a drawer in the kitchen that has everything - messy and unorganized - gum, tape, packets of ketchup, safety pin

it's confirmed. nature DOES hate me

so i broke out into hives for no apparent reason on monday night. needless to say, it was a bit scary... and extremely uncomfortable. i begged the allergy office to squeeze me on tuesday (which they did, thank you god) and went ahead with the skin test right away.

well?
turns out i'm allergic to everything outside. trees, grass, pollen... name it. if it comes from nature, i'm allergic to it.
my allergy season in dc lasts from march to november.
yes. that's MARCH to NOVEMBER.

so i'm treating the symptoms with a half dozen drugs, and starting immunotherapy (yay allergy shots).
hope it works. otherwise, we're moving. i can't live like this much longer.

thank god for those tearful nights

i don't hide the fact that i've had past relationships in my life. it's also no secret that my ex-boyfriends and i have not remained friendly. i guess if i were a better person, i would have worked harder to maintain a cordial relationship amongst us. frankly, i'm not a "better" person. i don't doubt that i must have been a terrible girlfriend. i've always maintained that i'm extremely high-maintenance. that, with my type-a personality, my ambitions, and my uber-particular nature, i'm surprised my relationships had lasted as long as they did. well, whatever the cause (and there are many), my relationships in the past crashed and burned with spectacular fireworks. i think one of my ex's thoroughly believes i destroyed his self-esteem.

i don't want to make it sound like i walked away from these breakups unscathed. i struggled with the failure of each and every one of my relationships. i took a long time working through all the resulting emotional baggage. just like the days when my relationships were suffering from a long slow death, i cried. often. i mourned the death of all the hopes and dreams i had. i mourned the loss of all the possibilities. i lamented all my faults. and in the end, i blamed myself for putting myself in the situation altogether.

one of the reasons i knew my husband was "the one" was because he stayed by my side all throughout one of these nuclear fallouts. the crying, the late night phone calls, the self-loathing... through it all, he listened. he carried my drunk ass home, after i drowned my sorrows in liquor. and even after witnessing my damaged soul, my faulty logic, my flawed personality, and my incredibly heavy baggage, he still wanted me.

now that's love.

the one thing i have to say is that without my ex-boyfriends, my marriage wouldn't be as solid as it is. i've learned from all the mistakes i've made. i've seen what to avoid. i've seen what a good fit my husband is for me. i can see now all the qualities that should be appreciated for what they are.

paul -
he's an unwavering tower of strength and confidence. he's never jealous. he's patient. he's masculine, but possesses a tender side too. he doesn't count scores, or hold grudges. he's totally stable. he possesses the most surprising sense of humor that peeks out from his quietness. he's brilliant, except he has no idea that he is. he's never boastful. he's always appreciative. he calls me out on my bullshit, but isn't critical as he does it. he takes good care of me, and lets me take care of him. he's committed to his principles, but at the same time, he lets me have differing opinions. he wants to be friends with my friends, and cares that i like his friends too. he's practical, but lets loose when it's time. he reminds me to take my medicine, and secretly packs goodies in my lunch tote. he'll make dinner when i whine about cooking. he's a champion of compromise. he's a calming force in my life. he helps me into my coat, opens doors, and lets me carry the really light stuff after grocery shopping. he doesn't judge my parents, and listens when i make the mistake of judging his. he values family. but the best of all, he loves me even when i can't be all the things that he is.

i think i caught a good one.

...and at what point?

so when does a friend of a friend just become a friend?
is there a criteria?
like, if you've socialized with the more than... 5 times?
or if you're socialized with them at all without the intermediary friend?
it's all so confusing...

laziness

i have a fully loaded gym for FREE that's located about 60 seconds walk away from my door. i still don't go.

i need motivation...
i miss my paid gym membership with spin classes...
i wish i had a naturally fast metabolism like my father...

sigh...

my "100" list continued (go to the other post from today for the first half)

59. i like my fruits raw. i generally like my vegetables raw or close to raw. i like my fish raw too.
60. with berries, i love fresh cream on them. even though i'm not supposed to have cream.
61. my favorite song for about a decade was "crash into me" by the dave matthews band. i still love to listen to it on repeat.
62. i flip through the songs on my ipod. a lot. i'm fickle about what songs i want to listen to at that precise moment. thank god for my ipod.
63. i hate surprises. sometimes i'll read the end of a book first, THEN start from the beginning - and still manage to enjoy the whole thing.
64. i've been playing piano since i was 5, and played competitively for 12 years. i finally burned out after my freshman year in college and decided to play piano for a song and dance group instead.
65. a year after i joined the song and dance group as an accompanist, i ended up becoming its musical director for a year. my group and i performed a lot of songs from the south park movie.
66. apparently, i saw rastapovich perform live in a concert when i was 6 or 7. at the time, he was just "that old guy" playing the cello on stage.
67. i've owned a guitar since 2004 but i still don't know how to play it. i keep telling myself that's going to be fixed, and i'm hoping that'll actually come true sometime in 2008.
68. i watch 'the sound of music' and 'the wizard of oz' as often as i can. i enjoy both movies more now as an adult than i did as a child.
69. the first movie i remember seeing was E.T. it was entirely in english, with korean subtitles and at the time, i was too young to read the subtitles. i still loved the movie.
70. during junior year of college, i trekked through florida for a week with two entomologists and a herpetologist. we chased bugs and snakes in grubby clothes, slept in a van, and ate canned beef stew and power bars. despite the alarming infrequency of showers and real meals, i loved the trip.
71. i pull out my good china for not so fancy dinners on a frequent basis.
72. i make some killer mandoo (dumplings), but i still refuse to roll out dough for the mandoo skins. if you have a problem with my store bought skins, then you don't have to eat my mandoo.
73. i used to hate baking. my husband's slowly changing my mind about it.
74. i hate the smell of brewing beer, especially when said brew is on my own stove, but i love the outcome.
75. on the other hand, i think the smell of baking bread is simply divine.
76. i've never worn braces, but i'm wondering if i should have.
77. i'm blind as a bat without my glasses/contacts.
78. i love love LOVE karaoke. i used to go 2-3 times a week in law school.
79. the bartender at my regular karaoke bar during law school always introduced me to other patrons as "the oriental girl with the big cha-cha's" (sometimes she referred to them as "hooters" instead). bless her soul. oh, and her bar served the best corned beef sandwiches.
80. i worked for two days as a panda mascot for panda express during a rose bowl street festival.
81. i was once certified in cpr, first aid, mass care, disaster assessment, and was trained to work a red cross canteen truck.
82. i want to get a tattoo, but i'm a) afraid it'll hurt too much and b) that i'll hate it after a few weeks (did i mention i'm fickle?)
83. korean food is and will always remain my comfort food. when i was little, i used to just call it food.
84. i'm very grateful for wikipedia, and i frequent the site probably more than i should.
85. i taught myself how to knit, and since then, have made many scarves. but i'm not skilled enough to make anything else yet.
86. i have vintage pin-up girls from the 40s hanging on my bathroom wall.
87. i used to suffer from terrible insomnia tha would keep me awake for days at a time. i watched a lot of bad movies on lifetime during those nights.
88. i type more than 75 words a minute. if this whole lawyering thing doesn't work, i figure i can go find a job where i type.
89. i'm super paranoid about stinky feet, although i rarely ever actually have stinky feet.
90. i cry hardest at the end of 'beaches' and the scene where dumbo's mom rocks dumbo to sleep, through the bars of the cage. but then, i've cried at the end of 'armageddon' too. which basically just means it doesn't take much for me to cry during movies.
91. i love cover bands. just as long as they're good cover bands.
92. i have pin straight hair that doesn't like to curl. when i curl my hair, it stays curly for about 20 minutes before falling straight again.
93. i prefer dave letterman to jay leno, conan above both of them. but i like stephen colbert the best. i wish hungary would have kept the bridge named after him.
94. i wheeze during allergy seasons. it's the only time i need my inhaler. i didn't even know i had asthma until i started suffering from seasonal allergies.
95. i have a younger brother who i practically raised.
96. there was a time when we were so poor, eating was a serious concern. oh, the days of rice and spam.
97. i worry about my parents constantly. i worry that i'm not going to be well-off enough to take care of them when they really need it.
98. i hate the thought of aging. i freak out when i find gray strands.
99. i was almost aborted due to an unexpected complication. thank god mom took a chance and chose bed rest instead. apparently the first couple weeks of my life was not so pleasant. obviously, i don't remember it.
100. i like to think i'm very american, but sometimes i'm incredibly asian.

an introspective exercise (warning - long post)

as i was reading snickollett's blog, i ran into an interesting post; she listed 100 things about herself. on one hand, it's seems so vain to post a "things about myself" list on a public forum. on the other hand, i think it'll be great to actually sit and identify 100 things about myself and see what kind of themes arise. besides, i've always maintained that this blog is more for me than anyone else... so i don't care if it's an exercise in vanity.
thank you, snickolett (not that she knows i am now stealing her ideas, or frankly, that i exist).

so here it goes (and if i don't finish this post, i'll keep going another day).

1. i was born in south korea.
2. i lived in seoul until the age of 9.
3. english was not my first language. i didn't start learning it until 1988.
4. my mother had to attain a travel permit from the local police agency to go to the hospital to give birth to me (she said there was a city curfew at the time).
5. i'm lactose, egg, and olive intolerant.
6. the olive and egg intolerance started this year.
7. the lactose intolerance didn't start until i was 19.
8. i miss milk, eggs, and olives all the time, and i sneak it into my diet with much negative consequences.
9. the olive intolerance really gets in the way of my fondness for extra dirty vodka martinis.
10. i don't like sweet alcoholic drinks so much anymore.
11. i love cats, but i'm extremely allergic to them.
12. but i love cats so much, i'm considering getting allergy shots twice a week just to have one as a pet.
13. i am an attorney, but i am not practicing law currently. i am, however, still performing legal work.
14. i'd like to be practicing law again. as soon as possible.
15. i am married, and my husband does not practice law.
16. in fact, my husband doesn't have anything to do with law. he studies viruses for a living.
17. because my husband studies viruses for a living (HIV), i make him go get tested for HIV.
18. my husband is a tall, blonde white man.
19. my parents didn't freak when i told them i was going to marry this tall, blonde white man. i was surprised by their reaction.
20. i'm pretty sure my parents like my husband better than they like me.
21. i know this, because when i passed the bar, they congratulated him for job well done instead of me (i'm serious).
22. they congratulated him when i got my first attorney's job, too. (oh, you did such a good job supporting our daughter. congratulations! this is such great news!).
23. i am 16 inches (plus some parts of an inch) shorter than my husband.
24. we both play the piano, and have dabbled in a second instrument at one point in our lives.
25. we collect classical music on vinyl. most of our acquisitions came from a local book fair.
26. i like to belt out showtunes very loud during long solo drives.
27. i'd like to belt out showtunes during long not-so-solo drives too, but i've been barred from doing so.
28. i used to earn extra money playing accompaniment for violinists and cellists.
29. i have perfect pitch. i can tell you on which note the elevator dings.
30. i prefer diet pepsi to diet coke. i can't stand diet fruit sodas, but i like flavored sparkling water.
31. i used to twirl baton in high school, which leads me to believe my hand-eye coordination isn't so bad after all.
32. but apparently, i'm wrong about my hand-eye coordination, because i really am terrible at any sport involving throwing, catching, kicking... hell, any ball, really.
33. i have ocular hypertension, but not so bad that my doctor is freaking out about it.
34. my body hates glucose, and now i'm on drugs to help me deal with sugar. but apparently, i'm not diabetic. yet.
35. i might be infertile. but we don't know yet, because we haven't tried to have babies.
36. i'm putting off that question for as long as i can.
37. i love pink and black.
38. i also love shoes and purses.
39. my friends say they'd never know i'm poor looking at the size of my shoe collection. what they don't know is i NEVER buy retail prices.
40. that goes for clothes too. i abhor regular prices.
41. along that same rationale, i go to 4 different food stores for groceries.
42. i love costco, and will defend it until the day i die (so don't you go lecturing me about wasteful packaging to me).
43. i'm finding out that certain foods at whole foods is actually quite affordable. like milk, juice, and tofu. cheaper than grocery stores, even!
44. i wish there was a pinkberry in my town, and will just have to resort to hating new yorkers and angelinos until then.
45. i also miss convenient jamba juice.
46. my dream job in college was to write for playboy. (not pose! write!)
47. i really want to go to a fat camp and lose enough weight to wear a bikini without too much self-awareness.
48. i realize that i'm not 14, nor am i on mtv. so the fat camp is never going to happen.
49. i generally like to read fiction, unless i can find nonfiction written like it's fiction. (thank you, truman capote, for my latest nonfiction conquest).
50. i absolutely adore the public library. i hate spending money on books when i don't have to.
51. on the other hand, if money was never an issue, i'd be buying books all the time.
52. i owe enough student debt to buy a house in many states. just not the one we live in.
53. i like to make sure that my candy canes hang in the same direction on my christmas tree every year.
54. which leads me to believe that i probably have a touch of ocd.
55. which then explains my compulsive list making. like what i'm doing right now... hmmm....
56. my favorite food is sushi. my love of raw fish is another reason why i should never be pregnant. oh yeah, that coupled with my love of wine and beer.
57. i love going out to eat, and wished i was richer to do so more often.
58. i love to talk. i'm pretty sure i love to hear myself talk too.

more later...

my blog is good for my health!

CNN article about blogging, and its therapeutic value

p.s. i'm loving snickollet (as mentioned in the CNN article) and her blog. the woman has zones for her kids' toys (ZONES for the TOYS - i love her ocd. it's just like mine), gets her news from NPR, feeds her twins hummus, and blogs about american idol. how cool is she!

why i'm thankful that my parents chose emigration over this...

a NY Times article on a korean prep school
i'm pretty sure my mom would have sold her soul to the devil to get me into one of these if we had stayed in korea.

(insert horrified scream here)

a musical version of gone with the wind.
this can't be good...

exhaustion

my body hates nature. it's a simple fact. when the world wakes up from its winter slumber and spring blooms begin to appear, my body totally rebels. my eyes swell and itch, i become congested, i sneeze constantly, my asthma kicks up, and my body then runs itself down to the point of non-function altogether.
the sad thing is, it's this time of the year that i yearn to spend as much time outside as possible. the temperature is just right, i'm craving sun, and the anticipation of that first barbeque overwhelms me. so it's simply tragic that my seasonal allergies are so severe to the point of crippling me.
in fact, my whole torso hurts from contracting so much with every sneeze. and i can't imagine flooding my body with those awful pink pills is doing me any longterm good.

my only reprieve is that i work in a sterile office building with no outside ventilation. as much as i hate being trapped in a corporate jail, for eight hours each day, my allergies subside. apparently, i'm only allergic to nature. not man-made dust and pollution. figures. i was born and raised in the concrete jungle.

on a completely unrelated note, i'm enjoying our new television immensely. i realized what a gem we have when i saw the hockey puck on the screen clearly, and was able to follow it through the game! yay hd, indeed.

my favorite chick movie

love actually.

i think it's actually surpassed when harry met sally on my all-time fave list.
how did it happen?

totally dreamy

they're absolutely faboo. if it wasn't for the $1000 price tag, i'd be all over them.

a bizarre reversal

i realized something today. now that i'm married to someone who's lukewarm regarding sports, i've become a sports nut. it used to be the other way around. i'd always dated men who go bonkers over sports, and i'd always been the wishy-washy one. paul certainly enjoys watching certain sports games, but i'd hardly call him a fanatic. but i find myself searching for tickets for various sporting events, and inviting friends over for game nights.
what a funny little twist.

speaking of sports, kansas finally won the ncaa tournament. it's about time! the game was thrilling (and agonizing at parts). i realize my allegiance to kansas is purely geographic. i have a fond little place in my heart for kansas. it was, after all, the place of our first american experience. i think i've never placed kansas below the elite 8. in fact, i don't think i've ever placed them below the final 4. well, i'm certainly glad that they won. a loss would have meant a cranky sara for at least the next three days. rock chalk jayhawk!

now moving on to baseball...
we're getting tickets to a couple of nationals games in may. i'm not sure if i'm more excited about the baseball or the hot dogs. oh well. either way, i'm looking forward to it!

i bet stephen king has well-adjusted kids

Stephen King's column on EW, on video games and pending MA legislation.

oh my...

we've now been living in the dc area for almost 6 months. 6 months!!!!
i keep saying, "oh, we moved here a couple of months ago." uh... i guess i better stop that now.
where did the time go?????

comfort food

chicken and waffles
indian buffet

i've discovered that those are my current favorite comfort foods.

a temporary reprieve

thank god for books on cd.

i helped realize #71

i don't know of many people who haven't visited the "Stuff White People Like" blog.
on monday night, i helped a couple of my white friends realize #71. (i don't count paul, because he's basically korean in his culinary knowledge at this point).
we went to a restaurant called Yechon in annandale, va (effectively, koreatown DC). there, we explored korean cuisine outside the realm of bulgogi, kalbi, bibimbap, and sushi (yes - a lot of koren restaurants serve sushi). it was glorious.

now i do appreciate a nice bowl of bibimbap now and then. and i'm happy to note that i found a street vendor on 14th and L who sells just that. 3 blocks from work, and a huge portion for under $7. it makes my work day just a little bit happier...

ambition

i've never considered myself an ambitious person. now i realize that such a thought is totally ludicrous. i AM ambitious. without it, how could i have accomplished all that i have so far? why would i have put myself through professional school, a massive student debt load, multiple moves across the country, the bar exam, twenty years of piano lessons, etc to become who i am? i guess one of the reasons is that my mother is incredibly over-ambitious. she's never satisfied. it had been a sore point between the two of us all throughout my teenage years. now that i'm a bit older, i'm glad to have someone who understands that ambition isn't necessary a bad thing.

the real reason behind my sudden change of thought is that i've been having some difficulty relating to my mother-in-law. she and i have totally different outlooks on life. her priorities are aligned differently; her values lie in more basic things in life. it's not that i believe her values are wrong. i can appreciate how someone can be completely content so as long as their basic "happy quotient" is met. for her, her health and her family's well-being is enough. but that's just not me.

i'm grateful that i have a husband who loves me. i'm also grateful that neither of us suffer from major health problems. but i wonder why i should be content with that alone? is it so wrong that i want to attain a certain level of economic success? of professional success? of cultural accomplishment?
i have to admit, i don't think "a husband who loves me" is going to fulfill me completely. my identity doesn't end with my marriage. nor will it end with a child. it MATTERS to me that BOTH my husband and i are well-situated professionaly. it matters to me that neither of us suffer from economic want. it also matters to me that i have something outside my marriage that i can claim just for myself, because i don't think a marriage alone or motherhood alone will keep me happy for a lifetime.
i don't think it's unreasonable. and i don't think it's unreasonable that from time to time, i worry about these kinds of things. i think i'm allowed to fret over "frivolous things" like money and my career. why should i settle? life's short. if life's granted me health and love already, is it so bad that i should aspire for even more?

every basket was like a little victory

march madness has started, which means a fine frenzy of basketball for the next 3 weeks!
of course, this season was especially exciting with cornell making it to the tournament for the first time in twenty years. the DC cornellians (and i) gathered downtown to root for good ol' big red. every basket incited pandemonium. it's just too bad we were knocked out in the first round.
my brother predicts that we'll be back next year. i hope so. it's time for princeton and penn to take a back seat.

tonight - cornell v harvard in hockey!

blogging while being employed is hard...

well, so i'm off my butt and working for a living again.
the notion of a steady paycheck is fantastic, yet a working lifestyle really cramps some luxuries that i've picked up during unemployment.
blogging is definitely one of those.

it's not that i have nothing to say now that i'm once again a mindless drone of capitalism. it's just that i'm so damn tired all the time. between the early mornings, the long commute, and late dinners, i barely have time to say hello to my husband let alone blog.
my saving grace is that i've been without much to do at work, and i have a convenient computer at my desk with an internet connection.

blogging at work restricts me in a lot of ways, though. i feel like i should use discretion in my topics and my language, which precludes me from talking about my more personal feelings and thoughts. i did find my journal the other night, and i think i may start writing in it again. i've found that my journal entries at home tend to be more insightful of what's going on in my head, while my blog remains more or less a chronological log of my life's events.

speaking of events, i went to the doctor's office today to get some blood work done in preparation of my yearly physical. ever since my diagnosis with metabolic syndrome and PCOS, they've been ordering a lot more tests. the phlebotomist (is that what they are?) told me that i have "tiny veins." i always knew i had problematic veins. some less-trained lab techs usually have to poke me multiple times (and in both arms) to get a good draw (which is oh-so-painful). i never knew the problem lay with the size of my veins. i guess you learn something about yourself every day? it helps to know HOW you're defective, not just that you simply are.

a few plugs

i probably have the attention span of a squirrel. i change songs on my ipod 10 seconds into the song, i channel surf like a pro, i love to multi-task, and i like a LOT of things. at the same time. here's a sampling:

ANTHONY BOURDAIN
i love this guy. he talks/writes like i've always wanted to, but always have been afraid to do so. he's brutally honest, he lives to the fullest, and he's witty as hell. to top it off, he's the executive chef of a fantastic restaurant - les halles. we've tried the DC branch, and we tasted the best coq au vin we've ever had. the fries were pretty freakin' good too. i feel like a groupie. i watch no reservation with surprising regularity, and monday's show is going to be GREAT. why? he's going back into the les halles kitchen for a full shift with eric ripert by his side. ERIC RIPERT. i highly recommend everything anthony bourdain, especially if you're a foodie. his books, his show, his blog, and definitely his restaurant.

GOODREADS.COM
it's really a great way for me to keep track of the books i've read, especially with my latest book kick. it's meant to be a kind of social networking tool where you share your latest reads and reviews with your friends, but i mainly use it for myself. when i was little, my dad used to keep track of all the books we checked out of the library on a list. it's a kind of throwback to that habit.

WHOLE FOODS
i mourned the loss of wegmans when we moved to maryland. the closest thing we have in a manageable distance is whole foods. i resisted it for a while, knowing whole foods charges a LOT more than wegmans for the same products. but i was pleasantly surprised. some products were actually cheaper there than the regular grocery store, and the whole foods 365 brand were affordable AND delicious. my newest food obsession from whole foods is fig preserves. (and they have pencil thin, beautiful asparagas)

THE TUDORS
i'm hooked on the show. i generally like historical fiction, so it's really no surprise that i like this particular series i feel like 'the tudors' don't hide their historical inaccuracies as well as 'rome' did on hbo. they pull characters out of the historical timeline, combine real people into one fictional character, take liberties with certain facts. but it's good enough to draw paul on the couch every time the dvd comes in, and that's a rare thing. paul's rooting for anne boleyn because she's "hotter and sluttier".

on a side note, a friend forwarded me this blog: stuff white people like
according to this blog, i'm extremely white. but a friend informed me that asian became white a long time ago...

imogen heap is the dmb of my twenties

i'd forgotten how much i loved her until a friend reminded me with this youtube post. now i'm listening to her on repeat like i did dmb in my teens. thanks, man!

my brain's turning into mush

once upon a time, i used to take a few moments of my day and actually write semi-coherent thoughts on matters other than the banalities of my life. but more and more, this blog has become a personal sanctuary for me. after all, even my own husband can hear only so much of the sorrows behind my insomnia, dietary restrictions, and general boredom. so while i'm sometimes overcome with envy of other bloggers' moments of brilliance, i'm generally grateful for my blog. i know it's an exercise in self-indulgence. my mother-in-law is horrified that i'd be willing to share my personal life with an anonymous public. i don't see it that way. i see it as free psychotherapy.

so onto my latest discovery/concern/freak out.
kate (from jon and kate plus eight) had the same condition that i do, PCOS, which led her to turn to fertility treatments.
as for me, i don't know (yet) if i have or will ever have the same kinds of fertility problems that she had. this causes a pretty terrible dilemma for me. on one hand, i can't deal with even the thought of having children. the idea of having a baby right now turns my stomach. we're not mentally, financially, or physically ready to have a child in our lives. i used to figure i have all the time in the world to grow up and decide; i'm still in my twenties.
on the other hand, what if this condition seriously limits our window? what if we start too late and my infertility issues push us out of the the window altogether? even worse, what if my only option for a biological child is the same course that kate had to take?
the idea of fertility treatments scares the hell out of me. i'm generally opposed to the process as a personal option. if other couples want to assume the risks, more power to them. for me? no thanks.
i used to think that i took a fatalistic approach to babies: if it's meant to be, then it'll be. but i realize, that cavalier attitude resulted from the security that i would have a choice. now that i realize that the choice might not be there, i'm not so sure that i'll be comfortable with "whatever happens".

i know, i know. melodrama has overcome me.

my latest culinary success!

pastitsio.
it was a yummy lamb-pasta-bechamel greek goodness.
i'm broadening my horizons.

it's perfect for sex ed

every time paul and i see 'jon and kate plus eight' on television, even the slightest whisper of our biological tick-tock completely disappears.
imagine. two parents, a set of twins, and a set of sextuplets. SEXTUPLETS! and all of the kids are under the age of 9.
*shudder*

my perfect sunday evening

london broil
pencil thin asparagus
smashed potatoes
the oscars, followed up with the last installment of masterpiece theater: pride and prejudice. (oh, mr. darcy!)

and i didn't have to cook!

ahh... bliss.

corporate invasion

being faithful to my role as housewife extraordinaire, i've been catching up on my soaps. much to my horror, there's blatant (and i MEAN blatant) product placement EVERYWHERE. like, "I'm going to take this box of Campbell's Healthy Request to the backroom now" *wink, wink*. or "Hmm... this V8 Fusion isn't so bad!"

ARRRRRG! it's one thing when all the characters just happen to be holding the same brand cell phone, or all the water being served in every show is from one company. but now they're working in ads in already-badly-written dialogue???

another hint that times are changing...

castro announced his retirement today

good reads

i make extensive use of the local public library. i can't justify the purchase price when i've been burning through a book a day (practically). don't get me wrong. nothing would make me happier than to live amongst towering piles of books. but our limited budget and our tiny apartment prevent such luxuries. oh, to have a grand library. with those nifty moving ladders!

anyway - with time on my hands and my recently-resurfaced insomnia, i've been reading. a lot. i'm glad that i've always enjoyed reading. trying to pass time at 3 in the morning is difficult without a good book. even the internet and cable can only do so much.

frustration

i'd just written this very long post about pessimism. but after reading it, i depressed myself and deleted it.

sometimes blogging isn't the most therapeutic thing to do.

qualifications?

apparently, if you've been on a reality show, you're now qualified to make political commentary on television on a daily basis.
i should trade in my doctorate for fifteen minutes of fame. maybe that'll land me a kicking job doing things i'm totally unqualified to do.

what did i do when i was single?

these past few months while i've been home, i've realized i hate to eat alone and hate even more to cook for myself. i spend most lunches by myself at home now, and the thought of having to go into the kitchen and make myself something to eat is just absolutely unappealing. it's a bit incongruous since i generally like to cook. i try out new recipes, i like to be creative with what i have in the fridge, and i like to set a pretty table. but it's like a performance. without someone else to appreciate it, the appeal is gone.

every day, i usually give into hunger sometime around one o'clock and have a cup o' noodles, a trader joe's burrito, or leftovers. in fact, without leftovers, i'd probably end up having nasty processed packaged food every day. it's a sad sad existence.

what does all of this mean? that i operate on attention?

i know it sounds hypocritical...

okay. so i called oprah my hero in my last post. and she is. the empire she's built and the influence that she holds over america are impressing at the very least. she's got america reading good books. she's really reinforced the idea of a healthy lifestyle. she's got women connected to their emotions. she endorses quality hand cream. i do appreciate all the positive things she's done for women in this country.

having said that, despite my love for oprah, sometimes i cringe at some of the things that come out of her show. i wonder if she herself realizes the ripple effect that one sentence from a guest may have on a national scale. more specifically, she had a very prominent ob/gyn on her show today to answer women's health questions. nothing too scandalous, right? but one woman asked a question regarding the hpv vaccine. the guest spent a grand total of 45 seconds on the topic, saying that money would be better spent elsewhere (like a national dietary program that enhances the immune system) than on the vaccine.

not going into whether she's correct or not (because that's enough for another topic and another rant), it just seems a little irresponsible to make such a general advisement in such a short time, without having a true discussion on it. if the entire industry is advising that their patients get the vaccine, and she's the rare dissenter, then shouldn't she spend some quality time arguing her position? maybe bring in another point of view?

i just think that oprah likes to think that she has this little show, when her show isn't little at all. it's huge. women go buy what she says is good. women do what she says is healthy. women like to use the same products she uses in her home. they shop at the stores she does (when they can afford it). oprah makes best-selling authors. she starts a singer's career with a five minute profile on her show. she may even help a man get elected to the presidency.
so you can understand that little twang of apprehension once in a while.

like i said. it may sound hypocritical. it may even BE hypocritical. i don't care. it's okay to admire someone and still be critical of their work once in a while.
i still love oprah and her cole haan shoes. she introduced me to my favorite gingerbread body souffle and laloo ice cream. she's brought the color purple to broadway. she brings me an hour of entertainment every unemployed day.
she's the reason i have seashells in my bathroom.
and the ice cream alone was enough.

a little reprieve...

(no) thanks to genetics, i've been lactose intolerant since i was about 19. my body hates cow's milk so much even those nifty lactase pills don't work. i'm supposed to stay away from milk altogether, considering the immense amount of pain cheating brings on. but i do cheat. how can you ban such things as pizza, ice cream, and cream cheese on a bagel from your diet? i have no idea.

well (no) thanks to genetics again, i've now developed a quickly growing intolerance to eggs, olives, and lettuce. it's a delicate balance of how much contraband i can sneak into my diet and how much suffering i'm willing to endure. for example, dairy seems to bother me less with alcohol (no. i'm not kidding). egg whites are slightly more tolerable than egg yolks. aged cheeses bother me less than others. baby lettuce and olive oil don't bother me at all, while romaine lettuce and brined olives do bother me. it's a big headache all around: asking for non-dairy creamers in diners that probably have never heard of "non-dairy", scraping the cheese off a pizza slice, carefully choosing what to eat before a long car ride, etc.etc.

i did find goat's milk ice cream. i've tried them all - soy, rice, lactaid... but i think the goat's milk beats all of them hands down. i think the trick with milk substitutes is to make sure you're not looking for the same taste or consistency. if you figure out a way to enjoy the substitute for what it is, whether it be tofu or goat's milk, then it's so much better.
anyway, laloo makes the best goat's milk ice cream. black mission fig. yum! and of course, i found through oprah. say what you will about her and her show, but she's brought ice cream into my life again. with that alone, she's my freakin' hero.

oh... so quick to forget

just finished reading 'everyone worth knowing' by lauren weisberger (okay. so it's not moby dick. but a book is a book).
found out from the book jacket that the author is a cornell grad. so it wasn't surprising to see a couple of cornell mentions: the hotel school. the statler. cayuga lake. ithaca. hippies.

i spent 10 years (on and off) wishing to get out of ithaca. now that i'm out, i get all giddy at the sheer mention of ithaca and good ol' cornell university. they say that new moms are like that too. they forget all about how much labor and delivery hurt, and want a new baby right away. maybe it's the same kind of masochistic leanings i'm experiencing right now.

i'm back!

the chaotic holiday travel schedule is finally over.

recap:
12/05-12/09 = Philly/Lansdale
12/09 = NYC
12/09-12/16 = Back in Philly/Lansdale
12/22 = New Jersey
12/22-12/26 = Philly/Lansdale
12/27-01/02 = L.A.

paul and i ended up spending a week apart in december, so i can hang out with his mom and prepare for christmas. considering the monstrous amount of work needed to get ready for christmas in that household, an extra pair of hands was more than necessary. so aside from working myself into a sinus infection and being on the road all the time (including the 7 hours it took us to drive to jersey, when google predicted a 4 hour trip), the holidays were fairly pleasant.

the true highlight of all of this really was my trip back home. i haven't spent any holidays with my family in years, so it was nice to hang out with my 'rents for new years. paul and i lounged around in california's mild weather, eating some exquisite asian food. it ws relaxing and bittersweet at the same time. i realize every year that i really miss my family. now that i'm married and spending so much time with my husband's family, i really see how much i'm missing with my own family. i hope to rectify that soon, but the reality is that my parents work an insane schedule and we're too poor to visit all that often. after the plane tickets, the car rental, etc., we calculated travel costs in the excess of $1500. eek!

of course, hanging out with my family meant ducking the inevitable onslaught of "when are you having babies?" we managed to convince the family that (a) no, we're not infertile (that i know of), and (b) no, we're not insane for wanting to wait.

lastly, i saw a cousin who i hadn't seen since 1988 (yes - that's the late 80's). she now has a husband and two kids! it was so great seeing her. she was my favorite cousin in korea. her older kid (age 3) is a freakin' genius. he started reading at 1 1/2 (that's ONE and a half), now reads in both korean and english, speaks both languages fluently, does 65-piece puzzles, can identify most animals at a zoo, and speaks in complex sentences. i love this kid! he actually gives me an inkling of hope for a future baby (way way down the line). only if there could be a guarantee....