i never thought this day would come...

so i was in l.a. for a week, putting in my compulsory week with the 'rents. i love my parents, and i love seeing them... but let's face it. a week with korean immigrant parents can get a little hairy, right?

except this week, things were surprisingly calm... and pleasant.
i was blown away.
i never thought the day would come.

flew in a week ago into l.a... and the whole week was without commotion. maybe it was because everyone knew how short the trip would be... who knows why.
the entire week was filled with pleasantries and all of us just really genuinely enjoyed each other's company.
i was actually sorry that it went by so quickly.

i also realized that my parents are indeed getting older.
they've never been that sentimental type.
yeah. we all know it.
they never had trouble letting go when it was time for me to leave california again.

except these days, they've been very vocal about how lonely they are in california without us there. my dad was griping about me having to leave early. maybe it's the age? i'm not sure.

granted, this is the first new years day (ever) to spend away from home (i do feel horribly guilty about that). but what was i to do? spend the extra $300 just to stay two more days?

on one hand, spending new years away from the 'rents makes me feel incredibly grown up and independent. i feel like i have my own adult life now.
but on the other hand, i'm extremely saddened to think that i won't have that wultari-new years shbang with me this year. i know i complain about the pictures, and the nagging relatives, and the fuss over everything... but i desperately want some mandu-gook. sigh.

so i guess i'm starting off this new year with a little bit of bittersweetness?

it's done, it's done

i'm not sure how... but my note is completed and emailed in.
there's no turning back now.

i'm not entirely happy with it...
but i didn't expect to be.

i'm just hoping it'll pass the writing requirement and i'll never have to look at it again.

so, a recap:
i started this finals "season" last friday when insomnia hit me... of course, it's the night before i was to take my 30 hour take home.

crap.

after 3 hours of sleep, i picked up that take home ... it sucked the life out of me. literally spent 30 hours thinking about the stupid thing. alas, i finished my ode to nonprofit organizations with 15 minutes to spare -- only to realize that i'd gotten a kicking case of a bladder infection.

i rolled around in my apartment in sheer agony for hours... consulting with my pharmacist cousin as to the best way to end the pain (i suggested that a bullet through the head would have gotten the job done... she didn't think that was funny. i wasn't entirely kidding though. it was THAT painful).
i polished off about two gallons of water, a quart of cranberry juice, and made a trip to the trusty 24-hour walgreens by midnight. when i finally stopped having the urge to go to the bathroom every 3 minutes (literally), i sat down and tried to memorize some employment discrimination laws for the final.

8 hours later, and two hours of sleep, i sat down to take the final. realized that amidst all the pain and sleeplessness, i'd forgotten about 85% of the material i'd just crammed. it was okay, though. at that point, apathy had seriously sunk in.

i then took the night off. blinked at the television, watched monday night football, and tried not to think about the next take home - ERISA. to tell you the truth, i'm not sure what erisa is even now... but i didn't care. berman said it was easy. that was a shoo-in, right? i mean... it was berman!

4 hours of sleep, a shower, and a glass of cranberry juice later i picked up my erisa exam.
i worked on it leisurely, taking generous breaks to converse with friends still left in the law school.
then the computer died... along with a handful of my well drafted answers.

i cursed... a lot... then took my piece of shit computer back home.
rebooted 4 times and managed to get it turned on again... but i didn't trust my luck. i packed my bag, got in the car, and headed for school. realized that the library had reverted back to its old hours, giving me one less hour of test taking time. i worked like a maniac, packed up when the library closed, and hoped for the best.

by the way, redrafting already-answered answers suck. esp. when you have word limits. i mean, come on. who gives a maximum of 30 words on a question? it's freakin law school! it took me longer to summarize in 30 words than to explain confusing statutes over 3 pages.

anyway, napped for maybe an hour during the night to make sure i wasn't going to die from sleep deprivation... finished the erisa exam. well... no, i'm lying. i didn't finish. i missed a question. but by the time i'd realized, it was 20 til the due time... so i said fuck it, printed it out, drove to school, turned the goddamn thing in, met with a friend to lend her some books, and then came home.

all i had left was packing, and the blasted note... except...
my body gave up.

i passed out on the couch and didn't hear ANYTHING for the next 5 hours.
when i woke up, it was dark outside. i hadn't gotten anything packed. luckily everything was already on the floor from the hectic week. i just had to find a bag and shove everything in.

caught the cab outside my apartment at 1:15am. the train was due to leave at 2:20... so i had ample time. carried on a meaningless conversation with the cab driver to make the trip less creepy.
got to the amtrak station by 1:45. turned out the train was going to be late. typical. amtrak is NEVER on time.
i sat and waited... and waited... and waited...

it wasn't until 4:30 that i boarded the train... more than 2 hours after the intended departure time.

i did get to sit by someone who actually talked to me on the trip (which is SO rare on a late train like that). you know what he said? he said that sara was a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. uhh... can we say, pick up?

i did let him buy me coffee (only because i told him i had a boyfriend and he still insisted. hey. free coffee is free coffee).

the train finally hit syracuse and paul met me at the train station. he was so scruffy... looked very tired and cute.
must have been love, because normal people would have thought he was just a bum. hehe.

went to the syracuse mall to pick up a present for his mom. had some mall-food too. mmmm yum. fake teriyaki.
rushed in and out of the mall in less than an hour, gift in hand.

came back to ithaca and worked on my note!

6 rolled around and we were starving... so instead of paying for dinner, we went to the department holiday party.
was surrounded by socially inept scientists with a love for karaoke (!!!). who knew.
after listening to 6 or 7 excruciatingly painful songs (no one knows how "i will survive" goes in that department. are they for real? it's not a freakin ballad!), i finally volunteered to sing.

sang an incredibly depressing song that made everyone quiet... then left the party.
(but people assured me that they liked the song before i left. that was kind of them, wasn't it?)

came back to paul's place... worked on my note. again.
and again.
and again.

drank coffee.... wrote.
drank more coffee... wrote some more.
(repeat until 1:15... count: 2 pots of coffee, a plate of scrambled eggs, one bite of a peanut butter sandwich, and a partridge in a pear tree)

which brings us to now.

if this entry isn't a testimony of how wired i am, i'm not sure what is.

i think i can... i think i can... i think i can... i... what is this?

i've hit the wall. it's called procrastination, writer's block, exhaustion, delirium... think of every bad nightmare for a student trying to push that last 12 hours. i've hit them all.

t minus 12 hours, 40 minutes.
then this hellfire called "MY NOTE" is BEHIND ME.
i can only submit it and pray that it's good enough. i don't want great. i don't want publishable. i don't even care about coherence. "good enough" is indeed good enough for me.

sure, i had lofty goals in the beginning. "publishable quality" sounded like a piece of cake.
as the deadline came closer, "publishable quality" became "workable for publishing"; i'm now down to "good enough to graduate".

hey. a pass is a pass. who cares if it's an "excellent" pass or a "well-thought-out" pass.

yeah... i recognize it.
apathy.
but would you be any different 12 hours before the deadline?

one down, 3 more to go

so the blasted finals stretch started late this year.
the dreaded flu got me first.

i just handed in my 30 hour take home for nonprofits. 30 hours????
i don't know why they do this to us. it's really not a luxury to agonize over text for thirty freakin hours.
i'd much rather sit down for 3 and realize i know NOTHING instead of spanning it over a 30 hour period.

tomorrow's the in class employment discrimination final;
tuesday i pick up my erisa 24 hour take home;
friday my note's due.

yay.

i don't mind compacting this hellish schedule into a nice 7 day stretch though. then i only have to remain sleep deprived and delirious for 7 days instead of 2 and a half weeks.

besides, i still had time to watch michelle kwan skate last night.

on a (major) side note.
they finally captured him.
i was so engrossed in my final i didn't even realize until just now.

everyone's telling me this is old news already.
it's a major defining moment in our history and it's already old news???
i need to catch up.

ouch!

i cut myself constantly shaving in the shower. i'm not sure what it is. maybe i don't change my blade enough. maybe i don't know my own strength. but every single time i shave, i have droplets of blood all over.

i know that i'm a clutz. i spill things all the time. i break dishes and glasses. i fall down on a monthly basis (usually causing some kind of a public spectacle). but you'd think i'd be more careful with my own body when wielding a razor.

eeeeeek.

i need to start making lots of money.
then i'd just get my legs waxed all the time.
i'd rather holler out in pain once every couple weeks than seeing myself bleed to death on a daily basis.

you know it's really winter when...

so i woke up and checked the weather report in ithaca.
it's now consistently below 30 degrees everyday. not even thirty. the high for the day was 27.

27?!?

oh yeah... we're also scraping the car out of the impenetrable box of snow/ice that the overnight "flurries" created around it.

flurries?!?

weathermen are liars.
it's a wonder they didn't go into politics.

a new trick though...
i HATE wearing long underwear, because it makes me feel like an old granny...
so i've switched to silk stockings under slacks.
silk... who knew.