foggy haze

i feel like i've walked through a pool of gooey marshmellow for the past week. everything's been a daze. with the congestion and the aches, compounded by nyquil, dayquil, whateverquils i've been consuming, i'm not sure how or where the days have gone. the apartment's an absolute mess, of course. with paul and me both sick for a solid week now, nothing's been put back. mess everywhere. i'm sure it isn't exactly helping with the clarity issue.

but the halloween costumes are done.
i just hope we're well enough to wear it tomorrow night. i've been desperate to shake this cold. i thought it's been getting better every day. i'm hoping it'll be mostly gone by tomorrow.

i also did something i've never done in my entire life.
i spit.
in public.
like guys do.
you know... hock up something really gross and spit it out on the ground?
i did it.
i'd never done it before. i always thought it was disgusting. but we were walking back from lunch to the car the other day and i had this nasty stuff come up in my mouth after a cough, and i had to spit it out.
so i did.
(sorry for the grossness)

i know. i was surprised myself. i couldn't believe i'd done it.

yeah... i probably shouldn't have shared that.
okay. i'll stop writing now.

calling the decongestant gods...

so i thought the best way of dealing with a lingering cold is to attend a party last night down the street. of course, sangria and beer are wonderful remedies.

yeah, yeah. i'm totally paying for it today.

i'm dying of congestion, headaches, fatigue... even the sudafed isn't helping. i'm ready for someone to shoot me. pump me full of nyquil and let's call it a day.

of course, it doesn't help that paul is also nursing a hangover. with both of us useless, the apartment's been a fun place to be today. both of us sat on the couch, nursing some decaf tea, wrapped up in a blanket... wishing for the day to end so we'll feel better in the morning.

we finally did manage to get our asses into the car to go have a bowl of pho. ohmygod, for about 20 minutes all the symptoms disappeared and i was in pho heaven. i want that to last forever. just me... a clear head... and some pho.

of all things to be stressed about...

so i was told to put together a christmas wish list. apparently, this is a keller tradition. you put down the stuff you want to get on a list, and hopefully on christmas day you see some of the things you've put down.
okay... i know this isn't a big deal to most people, but i haven't put together a christmas list since i was like... i don't know... 5?
so what do you put on a christmas list at 25?

dear santa, please bring me a pony. with a flowy pink tail...

the thing is, the things i WANT are totally extravagant things that just need to wait until i get my hands on a big wad of dough.
like... an ipod. or a multi-task printer. a strand of pearls. health insurance. a romona keveza wedding dress. a lakeside villa. a big fat retirement plan at 35.

so how do i seem like i'm not a greedy bastard, yet fulfill a wish list?
so far i have a ceramic kitchen slicer (it's like a mandolin, but simpler), a couple of cd's, some makeup, socks, and a day planner from target (i love them. it's the budget-conscious target version of a franklin covey).
meanwhile, paul has on his list a new turntable, a $80 dvd set, playstation games, etc.
but he's their son. he can ask for expensive things. i have that whole daughter-in-law guilt thing in my way.

ugh... christmas is stressful. it's such a non-event in my family, so all of sudden having to care is difficult. my parents usually cut me a check for christmas to pay for bills in january. i like that arrangement. "bail me out of my financial troubles for a month for christmas, mom and dad."

all i want for christmas, really, is a job.
i don't think i can put that on my christmas list.

an uphill battle...

well... it's been a long weekend with an extremely unreliable internet connection. i've tried unsuccessfully to post the whole weekend, but the service has now just decided to cooperate. thank god. i was dying without being connected. i mean, i guess i should be ashamed that i'm so dependent upon technology. i'm practically tied to my phone. i go nuts without cable. but really... with the hours i usually keep, what else can i count on?

anyway... crisis averted. the connection's back. i have napster back. i have my blog back. no more worries.

on a side note.
my new musical obsession is "take me out" by franz ferdinand. totally hooked on that song. has anyone else noticed that the guitarist in that band is totally hot? like... kyle mclachlan in twin peaks hot?

catching up with friends...

ever since news of the engagement, i've had more opportunities to catch up with old friends than ever before. i guess with such big news floating around, people are making more of an effort to contact each other.

yesterday, i chatted with a dear college friend of mine - dave. dave was the first person i met at cornell. we've been friends ever since welcoming day at an alumni function before our first year. after graduation, dave went into the army and since then our contacts have been sporadic. well, dave heard through the grapevine that i'd gotten engaged and he gave me a call! i was so delighted to hear from him (and learn that he wasn't deployed to iraq). i'm sure all the rest of the crew would be glad to hear about him as well. (yes, he's a bulkier, older, wiser, stronger, and more responsible dave).

then today, i chatted with my friend jeremy online. jeremy and i used to live in the same residence hall our sophomore year of college. found out that he's now a proud homeowner down in texas. it's so weird for me to hear that all my friends are so grown up, doing grown up things like buying a house. anyway, i've posted a picture of his garden which he is very proud of.

paul and i've gotten together with is friends in ithaca recently, too. everyone in his program are so intense about their work these days, it's hard to see them. but with the news of the engagement, they came out to share some beer and corn nuggets with us. silly bunch (as the picture proves). but we love them.

also chatted with betty about the wedding. she's always a good sounding board for ideas. my fashion guru.
talked to my cousin sandy about her upcoming wedding. she's going to mexico for her honeymoon. i'm totally jealous (especially since by the time she's sunbathing in mexico, i'll be knee deep in snow probably. damn ithaca weather).
spoke to my matron of honor, felicia over the phone. she caught me up on news of the kids, my cousin jeff (her husband), family, and ideas about her 30th birthday present. we're conspiring to get jeff to buy her a plane ticket out east so she and i can celebrate her birthday properly. no kids. no husband. just us girls and some strong martinis.

and finally saw aya online. it's getting harder and harder to find her online these days with her hectic schedule but i'm always so glad to see her when i do. she forwarded me a picture of a painting that dre did, so i'm posting that now. the white shirt looks very familiar - are you sure it's not mine??? anyway, she's thinking of visiting the states next summer (finally) and i'm totally excited. i wonder if we'll just slip right back into our old routine, or whether we'll go through an awkward "what do we do now" phase. i'm guessing the former. i can't imagine that we'd have trouble easing back into our friendship as it was before.
looking forward to even the couple of days when i'll have my dear friend back with me.

Friends at the Chariot... silly scientists... 

A painting of my friend Aya, done by her friend, Dre. 

My friend Jeremy's new garden in his new home in TX. 

an october wedding

went to a wedding in philly this past weekend. one of paul's family friends just got married. it was absolutely beautiful. you could see where the money was well spent. her gown was gorgeous. the food was great. the band was fantastic. all of us had a great time.
before the wedding, paul's mom (who from now on will be referred to as mom keller, and my own mom will be just plain "mom") made appointments at the hair dresser to get all the girls' hair done. we went in for an 8:30 am appointment. the hairdresser put my hair up in two sets of hot curlers (apparently, i have a lot of hair) and went to work. and voila. i put up pictures of the finished product.
my mom was so worried that i'd look "round" with my hair pulled up, but i think the result wasn't all that bad. i'll have to send her pictures to relieve her fears. mom keller loved it. i loved it. all the girls loved it. hey. i got to be glamourous for a day.


Before the wedding, in the neighbor's yard.

Look at what the hairdresser did with the back of my hair!!!

anyway... after the wedding, we went back to the bride's family house down the street from paul's. had a couple more drinks... went out onto the deck, smoked cigars and traded fun stories. we also asked the bride's father (a local judge) to marry us when we get married in a couple of years. he seemed genuinely touched. trekked back home after 2:30 in the morning. considering i'd gotten up at 6:30 am the morning before, i was so dead tired. but it took us 30 minutes to get all the pins out of my hair so i can go to bed. yeah... the hairdresser warned me that it'd be hard to get the hair out. =)

we spent the next day relaxing. mom keller and i went out shopping to an outdoor shopping square. it was pleasant, walking around and looking at clothes with her. she saw a cute purse at banana republic and bought it for me, along with a brown blazer on crazy clearance (picked it up for $27 - that's more than 85% off the original price!!!). i felt guilty, but paul assured me that it made her just as happy as it made me. having a second mom totally rocks.

we drove back home monday morning. checked out the local bookfair monday night. we picked up a half dozen books and a crate full of classical vinyls for less than $13. paul and i spent hours listening to them last night. i'm very pleased to start building a classical vinyl collection. it just sounds better on vinyl than it does on cd.

i'm a little sad that the weekend is over. it was just so pleasant to be surrounded by people for a couple of days. now that i'm back in ithaca, i'm alone for most of the day and i'm not sure that i like the alone factor.
looking forward to the holidays when we'll be with family again.

The bride's and the bridesmaids' bouquets.

The girl who initially caught the bouquet passed it off like it was hot potatoes, and ultimately the flower girl caught it.

The Keller family. 

according to a test that betty sent me...

so according to this test that my friend betty sent me, i'm a hybrid between "progressive girl" and "gourmet girl."
now what does that mean exactly anyway?

i attribute the definition to the fact that the inner martha stewart in me clashes with the 4 years of cornell influencing my life.
for example?

i used to compost every day in college for the sheer virtue that the house i lived in already had a working compost heap.
i take my recyclables back to the stores to get my container deposits back, because i can't stand the fact that i have to pay 5cents extra on every freakin 2L bottle i buy.
i don't like gas guzzling monstrocities driving on the roads, taking up 3 lanes at a time... but i'm not opposed to the idea of a small, compact suv that doesn't gas guzzle or take up 3 lanes at a time. i'm hoping one of those hybrids will be affordable soon.
i make crisp corners when i make the bed. i don't like unevenly placed sheets.
i desperately want a powder blue kitchenaid, a cuisineart, a set of shun knives, and a sorbet maker.
i already own and use a bread machine.
i picked my own apples this fall.
i'm now growing my own basil.
we paint our own furniture to match the rest of the decor.
we're custom constructing shelving units for the apartment.
i know the counter guys at the wine store around the corner, and we actually talk about wine while my wine chills in their express chiller.
i like sushi, but not because it became trendy in the last 5 years but because i really like it (and have liked it ever since i was a little kid). uni (sea urchin) is my fave - but it's so expensive!
we distinguish between brands of grand pianos we enjoy listening to... then we distinguish what size of the particular brand of piano we enjoy listening to... then we distinguish what year of that size of that particular brand of piano we enjoy listening to...

i know... some of it is just plain snooty. but what can i do? i like what i like.
and that's my philosophy. i like what i like. i'm not going to compromise that.
it's not like i ONLY like expensive things. i am a total believer in bargain shopping. i own clothing from target. i don't own anything by prada. i don't buy anything retail unless i'm SURE i need it right away. i shop at t.j. maxx. i go to costco to buy bulk foods cheap. i'll buy store brands instead of kraft at the grocery store. and i'll certainly walk into payless shoes and have no qualms about buying shoes there. the wedding registry at target seems equally appealing as the wedding registry at william sonoma.

i don't think liking quality necessarily means i'm snooty. does it?
and is it my fault that steinway pianos messed up for a couple of decades and produced some pretty crappy pianos?

fine fine. i'm snooty.
but it's okay. i have no money to back it up. no threat here. all fantasy in my head.

things you know that you know... but surprise you anyway

i know that this country is one of diverging ideas.
i also know that i'm in an isolated area, where liberal minds get together and bush-bash all we want without much interruption.

so when i see instances of the opposite, i know in one part of my mind that this is how half of america thinks... yet i'm surprised anyhow.

i guess it intrigues me to see how people come to their conclusions.
their rationales... their hopes or fears... their homelife that gives them certain motivating factors... geography... education... etc. etc.

it's kind of a frustrating process at the same time.
things that seem so painfully obvious to me are completely lost on them while things they see as completely logical baffle me.

but i'm glad for these moments of reality checks. it makes me more vigilant.
being in ithaca sometimes gets me so lazy. i forget that there is a LOT of work to be done, especially if i want change in this world. it motivates me to be vocal and articulate about what i believe and why i believe in it.

the problem is, though, that few people are interested in a real dialogue. everyone seems to believe what they believe and refuse to be swayed by anything that may come across them. this election has been a test of my patience. i just wish people would talk, instead of being obstinate.
i mean... both sides have to be right about SOME things, as each must also be wrong about somethings, right? what's right for one person can't possibly be right for everyone... so how can anybody just simply assert "he's right. this is the way"??? come on... are we so overcome by catch phrases, propaganda, campaign slogans, and theme songs that we can't sit down and think for ourselves? with different information at hand? from multiple parties, not just your own?

it goes both ways too. as much as i hate the fact that some conservatives ONLY watch fox news and claim that it's the best fair news source in the world, i'm equally annoyed by liberals who solely rely on mother jones for their political insight.

this is a country of CHOICES... but with those choices, we have a responsibility to filter out the bullshit and figure out what resonates with us. i'm sick of party loyalism. i'm sick of those damned tv ads. and i'm REALLY sick of those campaign managers who spin EVERYTHING until what was actually said is completely forgotten.

in some way, i wish november would hurry along so we can get this debate out of the way.

my face looks like a blown up mine field...

i have no idea if i'm having an allergic reaction... or i had bugs attack me in the middle of the night... or that i'm having a huge break-out, but my face looks awful! i have a huge welt on my forehead, and another one on my left cheek.

i'm pretty sure the welts look like bug bites, because they certainly don't look like zits and they're too big to be hives.

or, at least i think so.

so instead of being worried that i may be having a reaction to something i ate, i'm more worried that they won't go away before i have to go to rachel's wedding this weekend.
i know. it's vain. but we've already established that i am.

vain, that is.

i'm desperately searching for hydrocortisone so i won't scratch.
why did it have to be my face, anyway?