haha... random ad generator...

okay... so after my last posting (note title), i now have an ad for "give god the glory" adorning the top banner. i find that amusing... since my last entry had nothing to do with giving god much of anything.

i've also seen ads for various law schools, dvd bar review courses for ohio, and porky's bbq ribs.

is the fact that i'm finding this infinitely amusing really sad???

...

i'm also wrestling with whether or not i should go back to my livejournal. considering that a total 3 readers regularly frequent my site, it's really a non-issue.
i'll have to think about it. what i need is a big announcement in my life to give me an excuse to circulate a huge letter to everyone i know... and i'll just add at the bottom, as a tiny little sidenote, "by the way... read my blog!"

this is how professional writers must feel... like a cheap whore on a street corner, strutting around with all her stuff hanging out. haha.

hey... julia roberts scored big playing a hooker. maybe a little whorish desperation isn't such a horrible thing.

...

by the way, i hate all of you living in big cities. i'm DYING for some pho... and good korean food.
and what i would give for some decent seafood.

ode to the porcelain god...

i'm feeling sooooooo ill.
missed barbri two days in a row. still contemplating whether i should watch the tapes at home, or go straight to the pmbr cd's instead...
but that's just housekeeping.

don't know what brought on the sudden illness. i was fine all weekend and then sunday night, i started feeling sooooo gross. since then, i haven't felt okay. eek.

can't wait for the weekend to arrive. i'm hoping the weekend holiday will kick my butt in gear... hopefully, cramming for the entire month of july will solve this ignorance bug.

as for other news...

paul and i bought our first lottery ticket. well... it was my first lottery ticket ever (i'm not sure about him). we each bought one dollar and promised we wouldn't leave each other even if we won the jackpot.

haha... if we won the jackpot.

anyway... we're not accustomed to throwing away money on lotto tickets... but the jackpot was like... $200million... and we were already in a good mood... so instead of getting dessert, we got lotto tickets. oh well. it's not like we're throwing money into a private casino. lotto sales help children, don't they? (or rather, they should be).
okay... i'm gonna go chug some more pepto and see if there's anything i can eat in the kitchen.

in search of my own zen...

i'd just written this really long rambling complaint about the course of my life right now. but after staring at the screen for a while, i didn't like what i'd written.
it was such an ugly portrayal. i looked so worn down... so tired... so defeated.

i don't really want to be like that anymore.

...

i guess i'm just in search for some peace and order. everything's been so chaotic lately. all the responsibilities that were suspended for so long have suddenly fallen in my lap, and it's just difficult to weed through and figure out what's important and pressing.

...

what i do know is that if i don't find some order soon, i'm going to fail the bar.
every time i say that, people just respond with, "oh... you're just nervous. it'll be fine" and totally dismiss me. but hello? i understand that every law student is paranoid about the bar... but it's not about the bar anymore. my life's sabotaging me. it's not like i'm doubting my abilities. i'm not doubting my intelligence. i'm just speaking from my recent experiences. i'm so confused and tired all the time, i can't focus long enough to retain anything. THAT'S the problem. besides... what do people know anyway. "oh, you'll be fine." how do you know?

okay... i'm rambling again. i have to stop.

different plan of attack...

you'd think at that after 3 years of pre-K, kindergarten; 6 years of grade school; 3 years of jr high; 3 years of high school; 4 years of college; 3 years of law school; and weeks of bar prep would have taught me how to study by now. apparently, all that schooling has taught me NOTHING about information retention.

i need a new plan...
a new way of retaining information.
whatever i've been doing is NOT working.

i seem to be doing well on the multiple choice...and then i get to the essays and i'm hit with the dumbfuck stick. yes... i said DUMBFUCK.
(earmuffs! if you're sensitive to curses)

holy crap... what's wrong with me?
i know that panic is SUPPOSED to hit right about now (and they assure me it'll only get worse around the 4th of july), but someone could die of a coronary like this. yeah yeah... i've heard the "this is the worst thing you'll EVER go through in life... including childbirth" blah blah blah... but really?
i mean, i see how this bar experience has completely monopolized my blog topics and i ask myself... has my life really dwindled down to this? and this ONLY?????

of course not...
i mean, i know in my head that my life does NOT = the NY bar exam... right?

i just wrote a friend and told her that i'm now going OFF my caffeine strike. i'd tried to avoid caffeine for awhile, but i think it's a BAD time to quit caffeine now. jesus, i feel like i'm trying to quit smoking... or heroin...

alright. back to corporations.
i've been making up phrases to help me remember. now i'm worried that i won't remember those reminder phrases... so i'm contemplating whether i need reminder phrases FOR the already created reminder phrases.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeek.

i need ice cream.
and bubble tea.

cheating feels so great

i cheated.
i had ice cream this week.

normally, this isn't real news to anybody... but i'm allergic to milk... so having ice cream is like asking for hours of excruciating stomach pains. yup. it's that bad.

but those soft serve cones from mcdonalds (which i'm still not sure that it's ice cream at all) looked SO inviting... so i had one... three days in a row. well, still don't know whether it's ice cream or not, but it's DEFINITELY dairy.

i'm so bad.
and now my body's mad at me.

whatever... it was totally worth it.

other news:
i'm enjoying the property lecture. the prof is hilarious. any teacher with two kids who quotes j-kwan, incorporates outkast, and tells stories of tsunami warnings during her honeymoon is cool with me. i still can't get out of my head her "it's mah... it's mah... it's mah prerogative" reference. hehe. she cracks me up.

so i'm starting to freak out a little bit about this whole bar exam thing. apathy has now stepped aside for irrational bouts of anxiety to come forward. good good... i'm excited to see what kind of neurotic behavior is due next.

for all my friends and family considering law school... don't say that i didn't warn you (or that i didn't try to talk you out of it a dozen times).
just remember, when i get that phone call and you're busy whining and crying about how awful law school is (and it will be), i will be cackling gleefully on the other side of the line.

next,
paul and i are attending a wedding on sunday. bought a pretty new red dress for it with white flowers (courtesy of old navy. yay - under $30).
i'm so excited we get to be adults for a day (and hang out with other real adults). i'm looking forward to getting trashed and jumping around on the dance floor.
yay bar. yay dance floor. yay date at a wedding.

okay... gonna go.
i feel loopy from sleep deprivation.
woohoo. loopy.

another barbri update

nope... the agency prof wasn't normal either.
he totally sounded like that priest from the princess bride... except on speed.

yeah... think back...

"mawwiage..." uh huh.

and, he panted like a dog when he was talking about the duty of loyalty.
now i'll never forget.

agency... prof panting like a dog. oh yeah... duty of loyalty!

barbri nightmare...

i don't think anyone who's taking the ny barbri course even reads my blog. BUT i'm going to vent about it anyway.

so some background...
i signed up to take this bar exam prep-course with a company called barbri. they claim they prep something like 80% of all candidates for the bar cross-country. that seems high to me... but whatever.

i dished out my $2600 and i'm taking the course. learnin' some laws. memorizin' some rules. praying to god that i'm going to pass this mission from hell come july.

i never thought barbri would be a walk in the park. i knew it was going to be tough... but... hello? the last lecturer was HORRIBLE.
not just horrible... but so horrible he was... creepy.

i went to the first two days of the ny practice lecture, sat through six hours of him talking... and at the end of the second day, i'd had it. i couldn't do it. i couldn't go in for the third installment.

so what did i do?
i didn't go.
played hookie.
begged and begged paul not to make me go. he finally took pity on me and let me stay home.

dear god.
what an experience.

is it me or these bar review lecturers REALLY weird????
the pmbr lecturer (on cd) barked during the crim law lecture. BARKED!
the crimlaw lecturer from barbri hopped around like a bunny at the podium. the corporations lecturer spouted off all the characters in the andy griffith show. the conlaw lecturer was spewing bad puns all throughout the 2 days. why don't people just hand me a dull spoon and ask me to carve out my own heart? i think that might be a little more bearable.

(okay, okay... all of this is a little out of context. but come on!)

agency tomorrow.
the prof is from chicago.
we'll see... we'll see....