perfect nails

i've often discussed my obsessive compulsive nature. it manifests in obvious ways: my excessive note-taking, the color coded calendars, my absolute need to be chained to both my cell phone and my palm pilot, my adverse reaction to scratched out mistakes on any given legal pad...
it's sick really.

i've noticed that the ocd's carried over to my nails.
that's right.
my nails.

i can't stand chipped nail polish, cracks in my nails, uneven filing, or even a bumpy top coat.
nothing aggravates me more than breaking a corner of a nail. it ruins the shape, and when i refile it, one nail is then shorter than the others.
it's gotten to the point that i'm no longer satisfied with a manicurist.
i don't like the way my polish sometimes bubbles if the technician isn't paying attention. besides, the polish always chips just a couple days after the manicure. murphy's rule. i'd have to re-do it anyway. why pay someone at that point?

so i sit in front of the television and do my nails.
once... maybe even twice a week.

i have a huge "nail" bin. that's what we call it. my nail bin.
it's full of clippers, buffers, files, polishes, cuticle oils, cotton pads, nail polish removers, quick dry topcoats, strengthening base coats... you name it. i have it. i even have those nifty paste-it crescent shaped guides to make french manicures.

this week, i found the perfect scarlet red polish... which is a curse in itself.
it chips often; i leave little tiny red marks all over papers; it's hard to put on your nails; it's hard to take OFF your nails; red makes your hands VERY noticeable, which means your chips are also very noticeable.

but holy cow - do my nails look fierce. i had a clerk ask me if my nails were real.
i took it as a huge compliment.
i don't care if it wasn't meant to be one.

so i'm going up to the court of appeals on may 3.
i'm trying to decide if i should tone it down and go with a more demure color.
but maybe my dazzling (yet still fierce) red nails would captivate the judges into ruling in my favor.