gaining a mother

my cousin sandy recently posted about her changing relationship with her mother.
maybe it's a trend... maybe it's the age... maybe it's the distance... i don't know... but i've definitely noticed a big shift in my relationship with my mother as well.
i'd always thought when i reached this age, our relationship would become more strained. we never saw eye to eye what was the best course for my life... and that especially applied to my choice of men.

so understandably, i was freaked-scared-out-of-my-life to tell her that i was in love. really in love.
i mean... this was monumental. i'd NEVER discussed my feelings regarding the men i've dated with my mother... EVER. i somehow managed to get through a high-school sweetheart and a college boyfriend without ever mentioning ONCE the word love to her. in fact, i don't think i ever affirmatively confirmed that i liked these boys. we had an understanding -- we just didn't talk about these things.

so that afternoon in august, while she and i shared some chicken nuggets and coffee at mcdonalds (this is our tradition. we're so ghetto), i tried to tell her. i mean... if this was "it" she HAD to know, right? i'd just spent the entire summer with a man i was sure that i would spend the rest of my life with... and i still hadn't told her that i loved him.
i trembled... i ate silently... i stirred that sugar into the coffee to death before i could begin to speak. and when i finally did start speaking, i burst into tears. i was bawling/wailing in the middle of mcdonalds trying to make out the words, "i really love him, mom."
i thought she'd totally flip, but she didn't.
she looked at me and said, "i know."
i know????? wha??????

it was a breath of fresh air. more like a gust.
like coming out of the closet or something... except not.
maybe my reluctance to speak with my mom about my romantic life WAS the cause of the weird rift that was between us all those years, because after that day in mcdonalds we became friends again.
like we had been when i was 7 and boys weren't an issue.

but better... with coffee and talk of weddings.

i am so glad that my mom embraced the idea of paul in my life. she's even encouraged by it. she's glad that i've found love. she's glad that i found it with him. i'm glad that she's glad =)
i can't help it. i'm her little girl, and i want to make her happy.

the other thing about moms?
i really like my future mom-in-law.
i have to admit, i initially found her incredibly intimidating.
she's got it all -- she's beautiful, she's smart, she's capable, she's social...
it was like having martha stewart as your mother in law. except she does everything that she does for free... and for fun... without annoying the people around her.
and i was scared.

but i quickly warmed up to her. i think our respective chattiness really helped the relationship go forward. now we talk, we laugh, we joke, we call each other on the phone... and yesterday afternoon, she told me that she was fond of me. it was so sweet... and i never knew the word "fond" would have such a great of an impact.
my own mom had a great relationship with my grandmother - her mother in law. i guess i always wanted a close relationship like theirs, and it looks like i'm going to get one.

i'm very excited about the future. i feel very lucky. i have one lovely family who's loved me all my life so far... and i'm going to get another equally lovely family who i hope will love me from here on.